A Stumbling Saint....

Day by Day...

There is a young man who I have had the pleasure to get to know. Let's call him Drake (no not thing crazy dancing rapper). I remember the first time I saw Drake. To give context, I work with what is called "hard to place" young men and women. Drake was not one of those types by the look at him. He was tall, on the thinner side, and some would say he looked like a certain celebrity...

I walk up to Drake and I introduce myself, and of course he says his name and shakes my hand. In my brief interaction I was curious why he ended up at my work. It honestly only took a few days before I started understanding why Drake had ended up at this placement.

Drake was a foul-mouth, bad attitude, gangster (his words not mine) man. Most of his conversations were about guns, women, and selling drugs. His first few weeks, to be honest, I thought this kid would not make it at our placement. He literally did everything wrong. Then his attitude and I quote would be " I don't give a f*** this place is a**".

White-Washed Tombs

Jesus once said this to the pharisees:"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness" (Mt.23:27-28)

I read a commentary to kind of understand this idea a bit better. It expressed, in this time, that people made tombs white because if a Jew were to step on the tomb they would be considered unclean. The idea is this: the graves would look beautiful on the outside, but on the inside it was nothing but decay and death.

What Jesus is essentially saying to these Pharisees, these leaders of the law, or what might be considered Pastors or heads of the church. You appear being right before all, but on your inside you are filled with death and decay. This is a state in which I call a heart condition.

Drake is a Stumbling Saint

I had successfully avoided ever having to really deal with Drake. To be completely honest, I just didn't want to deal with the trouble that I thought he'd be. Then one day, I came into work and to my surprise he had been put as my help for deliveries. I remember trying to find ways to convince my boss to put someone else with me. Obviously in the end, God had other plans. 

At first, I felt the day would be awkward. The funny thing was Drake made me feel comfortable. Sure he was cussing up a storm but he was very open. We spoke of many things on our travels through the day. I learned a lot about him and his past. I learned a lot about his future goals as well. At that moment, I realized that I was a whitewashed tomb. I had a heart condition. I judge this young man before even hearing his heart. I was seeing myself as righteous and seeing him as a problem.

I love the line in the song posted above "Day by Day" where it states, "I am not who I was, now I am who I am. A sinner saved, a stumbling saint." I am a stumbling saint. As seen above, I judge others, I complained, I fought loving the seeming unlovable. Drake's a stumbling saint as well. He curses and he fights. Yet we are both beloved sons of Christ. 

IN CONCLUSION

We can live one of two ways. We can live as if we are awesome on the outside and dead on the inside, or live with God's grace. Our heart is 100 percent dependent on our understanding of Christ. When we understand that we are stumbling saints. We truly are able to not be white washed but to allow Jesus blood to cleanse us. It will heal us from our broken souls. Not only that but our eyes will see other stumbling saints. Drake will always be a huge part of my life. He has impacted me in a way I can thank him enough for but I will remember the lesson he taught me. We are prone to wander and forget our God. Yet, He will retrieve us in the best ways possible. Day by day we will go through all of life's trials. Yet, God walks alongside us, never allowing us to be alone.

Every Taylor Swift Song: A Study of Heartbreak

We've all experienced that moment where we just feel defeated. This was a feeling that most Patriots fans felt when David Tyree caught a pass that will forever haunt New England. At the end of a perfect season up to this point, this moment changed the game in favor of the Giants. Eventually the Giants went on to win in one of the biggest upsets in Football (The American One).

Now to many people in New England this was utter heartbreaking. To me, it was so beautiful. But this isn't about my personal preferences. This is about heartbreak. This is about every song Taylor Swift writes (seriously look below 😏). 

One of my favorite songs (not of all time), states this about heartbreak. 

This isn't easy, This isn't clear
And you don't need Jesus, Till you're here
Then confusion and the doubts you had, Up and walk away

They walk away, When a heart breaks

-Ben Rector

What I love about this song is the honesty. When we deal with heartbreak it just make sense. We just feel disappointed and have so many questions. I will be the first to admit, I've been in this place before. So begins the story...

In high school, I had a friend. He was quite an amazing person. He was a great athlete, into some good music, and most of all just fun to be around. Now I'll admit, we weren't close. We were more like friends who just hung out at school and did class projects together. Then one summer, this guy who had it all, took his life.

I remember my dad asking if I knew him. That moment I will remember. Seeing the picture of one of my friends in the newspaper obituary section. I didn't break down but my heart did hurt. I can only explain it as a moment where I was lost in questions. Why did he do it? Will I see him ever again (this is the hardest question to ask)? What are others thinking? It was heartbreaking because it effected people in school and even rocked peoples faith.

Is there resolution to Heartbreak?

Heartbreak is all around us. We see it in relationships, with losing loved ones, watching others suffer, etc. I will be the first to admit, it isn't easy seeing anything good in times of heartbreak (seriously talk to someone lost a parent or child). 

Jesus knew a lot about heartbreak. I always think about the cross. When he was captured, most of his boys (the disciples) ran off, Judas betrayed him, and then Peter denies him 3 times. The human side of Jesus heart had to break. To see sin at it's fullest in his brothers, his friends, his closest allies. 

The beauty is that even in the midst of the heartbreak, Jesus walked to the cross and took upon himself our sin. I know this isn't the best answer to heartbreak. I know for myself, knowing that Jesus because of his heartbreak towards the world, He went in to save it. He didn't deny us salvation because of heartbreak. He gave us a place of healing and freedom.

I realize this is very Christian of me to say. The truth be told, I probably don't see resolution in the cross enough. I still cry, I still get angry, I still feel like upset. The beauty is that Jesus lets us feel. In the garden his soul was in such anguish that his sweat turned to blood. Jesus lets us express our hearts but wants us to see we aren't alone.

Be BATMAN!

  

As many know, I love Batman. He's a character that seems to just make sense to me. He had a major heartbreak happen but allowed himself (parents killed in front of him) and used it to make the world safer. Obviously, I'm not saying become Batman (or am I 😉). 

Heartbreak doesn't need to define us. It doesn't need to leave us feeling alone. We have a Jesus. We have others who have experienced it too. Life can move forward. We are allowed to hurt but I know life has purpose for heartbreak. It sucks but be like Batman (maybe more like Jesus).

My Name Is Sean Willison

To begin a blog, I figured I'd begin like one of my favorite TV shows, Arrow. My name is Sean Willison and I had been on an Island for 2 years before moving to another Long Island... yeah I'll stop there. 

To be honest, I started this blog because I just wanted to write. I like to think I may be good at it, but I could be wrong. All I know, is I wanted to be able to write my thoughts. Not necessarily for other people, but for myself. You see, I process better while listening to music and just thinking about the greater things in life. These things include (but isn't inclusive to) what should I cereals are best, would Batman win a fight against Jason Bourne, what it would be like to sit down and just talk to Jesus, and why is my wife a ninja who hits me in her sleep. 

In all seriousness, I do process a lot of things. Obviously (as shown above), not all things are real life altering thoughts but it makes me who I am. 

I am writing this blog because I believe that I need to be able to allow myself to be glad in who God has created me to be. I'll be honest, sometimes I'm embarrassed of who I am. It's gotten a lot better since I married this beautiful lady (picture below). She has help me accept a lot of who I am. That was a huge part, of God's plan for her in my life.

I write this because I know people feel the same way. I write this because Jesus has placed this in my heart. I write this because I know this is a daily struggle for me to accept the beautiful grace of who God has made me to be. 

So here we go. Round 2 of Arrow intro...

 My name is Sean Willison. I am currently 27 years old living in New York but a PA boy at heart. I love the Mets, Star Wars, comic books (Batman, Green Arrow especially), and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. My utmost desire is to live a life, that Jesus has called me to live. I know I will utterly fail but because of the grace of Jesus, I am given a second chance every morning! 

In no way do I want to preach but I want to write from the heart. I don't know what this blog will become or even if it will last but for now, I'm in this. My hope is to post once a week. So in the worlds of the great philosophers Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar....

Goodnight,

Sean