I remember sitting on a bench behind Margaret R. Grundy Memorial Library along the Delaware River in Bristol on a cool fall day. I loved to grab coffee or hot chocolate from Wawa and take a moment before I continued prayer walking. For some reason, I just enjoyed that spot as it was typically quiet and I could just think about life.
I spent a good amount of time in Bristol, PA. In a short time, I just felt at home in Bristol. I was a part of a church that at the time was life changing in my perspectives and supportive. I felt like I could be myself and enjoy the beauty of a good community. I felt like God had given me a glimpse of true fellowship. It was one of the handful of times I felt God truly helped me understand his great love for me and others.
I spent a lot of my life feeling like I wasn’t good enough. This wasn’t because of my parents or brothers, they were the best and super supportive. This was partially my fault. I surrounded myself with people who weren’t always the best for me. It wasn’t until later I found friends who helped me see myself correctly but all the other stuff had already taken root in my soul.
I wasn’t a great student. I’d use humor to hide the fact that I was insecure about my intelligence. Still to this day, I hate trying to spell or write in front of people, because my handwriting and I spell things wrong all the time. I loved sports, especially baseball. I worked hard to get good at it but in my school district I could never get beyond the lower level travel teams. I eventually just gave up.
Don’t even get me started with relationships. I had good friends but those were the few who took time to understand I wasn’t outspoken. I don’t like being the center of attention. I also don’t care about keeping up with trends. I mean if I could wear sweatpants and a t-shirt I was good. I also like nerdy things, like comics, Star Wars, and emo music.
In relationships, I was even more awkward. I always assumed I wasn’t good-looking or funny enough to be found attractive. My habit of downplaying myself ultimately came across as unattractive—go figure."
Now fast forward to me sitting on the bench in Bristol. I am in the process of loving myself for who God made me. With good people around me, I allowed myself to become the man God desired for me.
A verse that is often used is found in Matthew, where Jesus says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV).
Jesus says this after talking about how the Father is revealed in the Son. Jesus is reminding us of his Divine nature and that this God has come to bring rest to the weary. God had brought this moment of rest in the moment I sat on the bench. I knew that I was following someone who is good and will bring about rest. Do I still have troubles? You can best believe it. Do I still have moments that I feel I’m not good enough? Absolutely. The difference now is I also have moments where Jesus provides a reminder. It’s moments of good community, or sitting in a quiet spot and just feeling the breeze across your face reminding you that God is present.
The reason I follow Jesus is because Jesus doesn’t need me. In the grand scheme of things, I am literally an ant. Super inspiring right! This isn’t the point though of me mentioning this information."I love the fact that Jesus doesn’t need me but desires a relationship, and that he pursued a path so that we could have it. Not just that but He did it for all people. All of us, even the worst of us. He died and rose again to restore us and find rest in Him.
In my moments where I am hard on myself and not liking myself, I think back to moments like being on the bench in Bristol and I know Jesus loves me. I know that I am set free from the expectations of the world and I can cling to Him. In the good, bad, and ugly, Jesus never changes.
