Alright... time to beat up on the Introvert

What I Think

I fit a stereotype of a middle child. I am very much a quiet, peacekeeping, introvert. I never thought I'd say these words, but nonetheless it's true. I tend to pacify conflict, listen more than speak, and enjoy the simple pleasures of reading a comic book on a Sunday afternoon.

Even though this is true of me, I do have a voice. It may be the quietest but it still exist. I believe it will become louder as I grow to trust myself, but that will take time.

Today in church (Real Life Church in Wading River, check it out) the pastor wanted to discuss just being a Christian in the current world. I found it to be something that I've myself pondered over. All in all, it was very interesting to see that not only as Christians should we be asking questions, but as human beings.

Lately, I'm tired...

You see, lately I've had a lot of thoughts on life, and the current direction it is going. Social media is literally the worst (or the Britta of the world), yet I still use it because it helps us feel close when we are far. To be honest, I'm really tired of all the political banter. I'm tired of hearing about Donald Trump and how he's a horrible human being. I'm tired of seeing Christians being called out for being hypocritical. 

I'm tired of feeling like my opinions don't matter because some of them aren't popular. I'm tired of Christians, conservatives, liberals, and hippies (hehe) being so self-righteous. I'm just kind of tired feeling like I'm less then another person. I'm tired of being a white, Christian, male because it makes people only see me as being privileged. I'm tired of emulating mere men or women in politics to be our savior. 

I'm tired of not being more sympathetic to the needs of the world. I'm tired of not being their for my brothers and sisters in need. I'm tired of complaining about how I could be doing things in order to make the world better. I'm tired of watching people argue. I'm tired of watching peace being disrupted by disagreements. I'm tired of watching our world become divided. 

Nothing Left To Lose...

Let's be honest, I'm just tired. I know in some way after writing this, someone will disagree with me. I know I'm making myself a target. It's fine. I understand. 

Maybe it's the middle child in me, but I believe the only way we will grow, is if we just listen and not argue. We need to unite in peace. The only way we can grow is being peaceful and loving.

We need to allow ourselves to talk about the issues and understand everyone's point of view. You don't have to agree with someone. Yet we can't discredit someone because they share a different idea or point of view. We must seek to understand. I also feel it's a good idea to talk in person or at least in a secure way. 

I know, I know, we live in a society where people will always be pissed off, or looking to piss off someone because of some issue. I realize nothing will be perfect. But can't we strive to be better? Can't we just agree to be people who seek to reconcile and live among others who don't agree. I am a Christian and I don't agree with everything in Christianity (I agree with all critical things of the faith, just to clarify). Yet, I can still love my brothers and sisters in spite of it.

I get it America, Trump can be dumb, but he's our President. If anything, let's fight policies in a peaceful way. Let's allow ourselves to do what we can and leave the rest up to God or whatever someone else believes. I myself would like to make sure refugees have a place in America. Yet, I also see a need to be tighter on our immigration policies. I can understand both sides of the issue, but I don't have to agree with both.

I guess what I want to see is a people come together in peace. To allow ourselves not to get so uptight about things that probably won't happen (aka a wall). We need to remember, that in the end, justice will prevail. I believe in a God who will bring about peace to the world. I believe that one day, we will see this peace. 

Even if you don't believe in God. Believe in the fact that change will happen. Justice will be served. Let's just love our brothers and stop trying to win arguments. Let's discuss and try to understand one another. Most of all, let's be loving and kind.

So bring it on everybody, beat up on the introvert... I'm going to be trying to improve on myself while watching Ron Swanson talk about government.

When Being Superman isn't Enough

Gob or Job: The History of Questions

One of the most remarkable people that I've ever read about was a man named Job. Like everyone at first, I pronounced his name wrong, but this isn't time for that discussion. Job is described as someone who is upright or blameless. He also had great respect for God. He also had a lot of kids, livestock, and servants. Job would make sacrifices for his family, just in case they had sinned towards God. All in all, Job's life was, as the kids say it, lit (lit means awesome or amazing).

 Job's a pretty incredible man. In spite of all he has, he makes sure that he respects God. Not a lot of people can honestly say they do that with their wealth. I look at myself, with the little wealth I have, and see that I don't give God enough credit. Job is essentially the opposite. His heart is in the right place.

At one point in the book of Job, there is this discussion between God and Satan. This actually happens twice. The first time was to take his stuff (children and livestock) and the second time was to take his health. I believe Satan wanted to show God up. He wanted to show God, that he has power. The beautiful thing, is God still allows Satan to test Job. It's really the irony of the event.

So Satan first takes his children and property. How does he respond? Saying the following words: " Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21). The second time after Satan takes his health; leaving him with terrible sores that he used broken pottery to itch (ouch!), his wife tells him to curse God. Job responds to this by saying " Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil"?

How it feels when a ton of bricks falls on you...

At this point, I'd like to state the obvious. What is wrong with Job? Did he hit his head playing catch the sheep? His response is not typical. Actually to some, it's quite unrealistic. Who can say those things.

I'll be the first to say, if I ever lost my Beka or my unborn child, I'd be devastated. The sheer fact of losing anyone who is family, kills me. To be able to honestly say what Job said to God, I don't believe would come to mind first.

That's the thing though, we don't see through the pain. We only see what's before us. We as humans are finite in our understanding. We see all the problems around us, and we believe that the world is what it is. We believe it to be cruel. How can we deal with the intolerance, wars, or Presidents. 

Let's continue Job's story...

Questions of an honest man...

The story of Job doesn't end with the cliched Christian movie ending. It's really only the beginning. The next chapters beginning a long discussion between Job and some friends. Job does what I believe is natural: He ask questions.

Job ask these questions to his friends who clearly are educated men but don't fully get it. Job questions God as to why He would allow this to happen to essentially, a good person. I mentioned it earlier, that Job made sacrifices for his children just in case. He's a good guy.

I myself have gone through this myself. I felt that I was doing well. I mean I was doing what I needed to do, and making sure I gave God what was due.

Then out of nowhere, it falls apart. I lose my job, with a child on the way; just a sample of my situation. I admit, I did not respond like Job. I literally broke down. I felt like a failure. I asked questions too. Why would God do this to me.

Peace Of Wild Things: Paper Route Edition

After all the questioning, God finally responds. The funny thing is He responds not in the way we expect. He beginnings questioning Job. 

He asks questions such as "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth"(Job 38:4), do you know when the Mountain Goats give birth? (Job 39:1), and can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook (41:1)? Most of those questions seem ridiculous. Actually most of them are ridiculous. Here is why.

God essentially is telling Job and his friends, that He knows what He is doing. He is the ultimate source of knowledge and wisdom. He is the source in which we get our limited understanding. He created all things. All things are under God's control.

Now I admit, that's not a great answer in times of trial. At the same time, it is a great answer. Let me explain.

We are hit with struggles so very often we just can't wrap our heads around. I'm constantly wrestling with why people would abuse children. It doesn't make sense that children, who don't understand the world, would be treated so poorly. Yet in some weird way God has a purpose. 

Sometimes we won't get the answers we want. There will be aspects of life we will never understand. God is calling us to trust Him. In questioning Job, God is saying, trust me, I know how things will play out. I mean He sent Jesus to die for all of man's sin. I'm sure a lot of people who waited for Jesus in OT questioned why God didn't send Jesus earlier. Yet in God's timing, it all made sense.

Life will beat the hell out of you. That happens. It doesn't matter if you are a good person or the worst person in the world. The world will let you down. That's why Jesus came. To give us hope. I'll admit, I'm not very hopeful currently. This is a test to me. Yet there is freedom, in trusting that God will provide. Letting go of all the uncertainty and allowing God to speak life into you is important. 

Also it's okay to question. It's okay to talk to others. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be brokenhearted. Just remember, God wants us to trust Him. He also feels your pain because of Jesus. He understands because He too was once a man. We are not alone. When the world hurts, He stands with us. 

Freedom comes from allowing God to be God and for us to surrender. 

Freedom Pt. 1: This is a working title, or is it???

Summer

I remember when I was in school. It didn't matter whether you were in first grade or twelfth; when summer vacation came, it was a time to celebrate. There were no homework, statewide testing, or trying to stay awake during Weinburg science classes (for those who don't understand, he was boring). 

Summer vacation was freedom. I remember when I was too young to have a job (great time of life), riding bikes with my friend Jimmy, playing video games with my brothers or my friend Jared, and sleepovers where all you ate was junk and watched movies like Indiana Jones. It was a time where rarely did you feel the burden of life's scorn. It was a beautiful time of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater and swimming pools!

To be free..

No one's as free as Solo...

As people get older, I think we start losing that sense of freedom. Summers will never feel the same. I hope in some way, through my soon to be daughter or son, I will be able to see that freedom again. It's funny because we tend to forget the feeling of freedom. I believe it has a lot to do with life.

I mean look at the world around us. We are constantly looking for that feeling of freedom we once had. We look to things to help take it's place. Some people use entertainment like movies or video games. I will admit, I watch movies to get out of my head. Some people use relationships to find some freedom. We hang out with that friend who seems fearless and we want to be just like that because it's more exciting than our own lives. Sadly, relationships become more about sex. We use sex to help find pleasure in our life. Some people choose to use drugs to also find a sense of freedom. Each one of these things can actually be harmful, and can't really give you a sense of freedom.

That's the thing though. We are constantly searching for something to set us free. We are looking for life to give us something to make us complete. I do it. Probably more than I like to admit most days. Life is tough. It's not an easy thing to handle. If it was, we'd probably have less depression, anxiety, and even suicides. In some ways, I feel we are more slaves to this earth.

Slaves to sin...

I mentioned earlier that people feel like slaves to this earth. For me, it's been a struggle to lose my job. I realize that I am at the mercy of others, and I hate it. No matter how much work or energy I put into it, I am still at the mercy of someone else. Due to this, I'm carry this weight of disappointment, embarrassment, and brokeness. I try to find ways to distract myself but I feel bound.

It's far to easy for us to carry our "world" on our own shoulders. We are bound to what I call sin. The moment those beautiful people known as Adam and Eve decided to disobey, we had this burden of sin. Sin blinds us from the truth. It's like when we are dating someone and are so infatuated that we seemingly can't see certain flaws that could be bad if you get married to the person. It's pretty much what sin is like. We are so infatuated with it, that we don't see how it's bad.

Let's be honest, sin can be fun. Who doesn't like getting revenge when we feel wronged? Who doesn't like indulging in the pleasures of this world? Who doesn't want to step in the grass where it is clearly marked "private property".

To be Slaves to righteousness...what the heck?!!!

Look at me mom!

As many people know, I love Batman. He's a character that is so real and raw to me. A man with many burdens. He alone carries so much weight. Yet, he never stops pushing forward. Also it's pretty awesome that he constantly is beating people who are 10 times stronger than him.

This is why I believe, it's easy to connect with Batman. We all want to right the wrongs in life. He used his life experience to attempt to make Gotham a safer place, so no one would have to suffer. He bore the burdens of the city

The truth is the fun we have in sin, isn't really fun at all. It kind of loses it's flavor quickly. We still have the part of us that is lacking. 

That part of us that lacks is the freedom of Christ. I know, I know, we've all heard it before. There is a lot of truth in this statement. I think even Christians downplay the importance of this idea.

Christ came to earth to save all mankind like the idea of  Batman for Gotham (full circle everyone). Yet unlike Batman, Jesus was successful in cleaning up the mess (sorry Batman, but the Joker always comes back). Jesus took on all the sins of the world and bore them for us. He took the mistakes, the pains, the anger, and pierced it to a cross with Him. He then rose from the dead, three days later to complete this work. He did this for you and me. All past and current sins, He had taken with Him on the cross. He took God's wrath and anger towards sin with Him on that cross. Why? To set us free because of His great love.

Here is how Paul puts it:

"For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin".

-Romans 6:5-7

The end is awesome. For the one who dies has been set free from sin. When we die to ourselves and come to Christ, we are set free. When we come to Christ, we put our old self on that cross with Christ to die, and are free because of Christ resurrection. 

It's all about Christ! It's all his work. We are free. We are no longer bound to ourselves. We are no longer defined by our jobs, our mistakes, our struggles, we are free. 

Later in Romans, Paul says we are slaves to righteousness. It's funny because I just said we are free. The thing is we are still free. By coming to Christ, we willingly make ourselves bound to Him. This means that we are free from sin. We are no longer bound but we choose to follow Christ. It's not hard either. It's a lot of fun actually. He allows us to dance, sing, and make a loud noises in celebration of who He is. I don't know about you but it's nice to know you can use your outside voice more often.

I found life in the sweetness of freedom

Freedom is found in not being bound to things of this earth. We find freedom in Jesus. In life, we come up against a lot that will bind us. Yet Jesus is beyond those things. Remember, He's not within time and the laws of physics. He can do anything. He can give you peace when you lose your job, he can give you the strength when you lose a love one, he can cry with you when your heart breaks. God loves man so deeply, that He gave his Son, so that we can have everlasting life. We are free from sin. Freedom from sin is only the beginning of the freedom in Christ! I will leave you with a song to help you ponder...

Part 2: Sometime in the future, but the Forgiveness leads to Freedom.

The Psalm of a Modern Day Man

Father,


As I write, I am constantly distracted by these thoughts of "what if's". I know I shouldn't look at life as if things should be different. I sure as hell shouldn't be thinking of this when I'm writing to you. Yet, here I am, and I'm still doing so. 

I'm tired. I'm hurting. I'm so unsure. In a way, I feel I've failed you. I feel like I've abandon you. I am constantly trying to divert my eyes, to keep the voices of doubt out of my mind, but they scream like the breaks of a train. The scream is so loud it literally hurts my soul. 

I wonder with all my wandering, my bitterness, and doubts: Have you abandon me? Have I gone to far? Have I done to much? Are you tired of me? Do you use distances to muffle my cries? Do you know the hell that I feel?

I'm tired of all the people telling me, "this will be okay". I'm tired of trying to keep a smile on my face, when all I want to do is cry. I've tried all that you've told me. I've tried but there is still sleepless nights! Will you even listen? Have I said too much? Have I done wrong? 

I'm angry. It's not even your fault. If anything, you still listen to my plea. Help me with this Father. I can't do it. I just can't keep moving forward on my own. I look at these pictures in my mind, of all that I've done, of all that I am...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all that I said. I know that you are more than enough. You spoke my existence into being. I can't even fathom what you've endured. You had to feel the weight of the world and more. While I sit here and judge you! I can't even grasp for a second the amount of pain that comes to your heart, when any of us hurt. You fight for the lost. You long to restore the broken hearts, the defeated, and the lost. You are willing to part the seas, move mountains, and walk through fire for us. 

Father, you even value me. You value those who walk and grow weary. You value the one who's heart is broken but wanting to be fixed. You know my thoughts and you want to heal me. Nothing will ever stop you from loving me. Nothing will stop you from loving anyone. Your love is vast. It's wide. It's consuming. It's like the ocean's waves, constantly falling day in and day out. 

Father forgive me in my darkest moment, that I doubt you. Forgive me for my unbelief. Forgive me for all that is not right in your eyes. Lord, restore me. I accept that I have no control. I accept that I have to wait on You. Father, please let your Spirit bring peace to my heart. For without you, I am scared, anxious and afraid. Yet, with your Spirit. I am free to enter your peace. To feel your presence. To know I am not alone.

I no longer wander helpless, for you are with me always.

Love you and let this be,

Sean

Freedom

I wanted to write about something more focused. I wanted to be honest, and not hold back. I believe this is something that God has been speaking into my life lately. It's this idea of freedom.

I wrote this Psalm or letter to express my frustration. I believe it's because I have lost this freedom that comes with Christ.

I believe freedom is something as Christians and even not Christians struggle with. We constantly bind ourselves to past sins, things on the earth, and people. We can only find freedom in the love of Christ. We can only find freedom when we are truly honest with ourselves and understand we can do it on our own. 

Freedom can come to us. We have to be willing to accept it. So as I begin my journey of writing and discovering freedom, let us be honest and willing to let go of all that binds us. Let's be honest, and discover the depths of freedom that God has blessed us. It's a struggle to see it, but God's love is abounding through even these struggles of life. 

Now off to discover being free!

"When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit"

-Psalm 34:17-18

Cause you got to have faith, faith, faith...

To believe...

I may be wrong but I don't think trust is a natural part of humans. I think we all deal with questioning things. I'll be the first to say, I question peoples intentions often. I don't know if they are being sincere or "faking it to make it". 

Being a Christian, faith is a vital part of someones life. I mean, you are trusting that God will keep his promises. I think there would be a lot of upset people if Jesus didn't come back. I know I'd be upset. I remember when I was a kid and a friend would say I could come over. Then the next day they say they had things to do. You kind of lose faith in the friendship when it consistently happens.

Natural?

I remember reading in my devotional where Paul Tripp states that he thinks faith isn't a natural part of a person. It's funny because it wasn't profound but it hit home. You might be thinking, why did this stand out to you?

In the beginning of time, the Bible tells this story in the garden. It's beautiful, perfect, and completely peaceful. Some would say this was the essences of "shalom". The word shalom is the idea of completeness and perfect peace. It was the idea of being in perfect harmony with God. 

Within this perfection, the shalom is destroyed by one act of man. Our fine friends Adam and Eve chose to disobey God and eat from a tree, God instructed them not to. On a side note, its devastating to think that we belittle God's commands. When He says something, He means it. Moving forward...

In this one act sin entered all of mankind. The relationship with God is severed because of sin. Shalom is lost. We now try to figure out things on our own power. This means believing in a great power, doesn't actually give people comfort. This means that because of sin, Satan tries to convince us that there is no God. That we are all that's here. We tend to believe in ourselves because we feel we can understand life.

Sometimes you just got to work at it...

Due to the fact that faith is not a natural part of our lives. I believe it takes work to build faith. It takes work to build trust.

It's a bit like working out. You have to put time and effort into doing the work in order to see a result. For instance, I need to learn God's word, understand his promises, and continually talk to Him. Not only those common core parts of Christianity, but also the areas where you have to just jump. 

In order to have your faith grow, sometimes you have to just jump and hope you will be caught. This isn't saying, go out there quit your job and move to Africa (Please don't do that unless you are called). The idea is when you spend that personal time with God, you will begin to understand what he promises, you will be Shalom.

Yet Shalom starts first with understanding that Jesus has mended our broken relationship with God. Our faith is only because of what Jesus has done and is doing. He is continually giving us grace. His blood has mended the already broken relationship we have with God. Now Jesus' blood means forgiveness for our sins.

I have been going through in my head lately how hard faith is in my life. I read this verse and it makes it even harder.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance of what we do not see" 

- Hebrews 11:1

Having confidence has never been a strong point for me. Especially now that I'm going through the struggle of feeling like I can't provide. It's easier to be confident when you have it all together. Lately I struggle. 

Yet I have also seen God provide in the midst. I've had some encouraging conversations and possible places to go. I will admit, I got on my knees and told God, I feel like I can believe. I needed help with my belief, with my confidence. This was part of my "work out" in faith. I needed God to see me at my weakest. My most faithless time. I needed Jesus to know my need for faith can only come from Him.

Ultimately I don't know what people are going through. I know faith isn't easy. It's not natural. Yet I know a God who is beyond natural. He does things that are supernatural. I still wander and probably will till Jesus takes me home. Yet I know, in the midst of troubles, Jesus never forgets. Faith takes time and will grow, you will fail, but Jesus will forgive and pour out His grace.