New Every Morning

Remember my wandering

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope…

Lamentations 3:19-21

There is this moment in the morning, where my heart is racing, my thoughts are jumbled, and my prayers fade in and out between wanting to sleep more and talking to God about life. I do this all while trying to get the courage to step out of bed. It’s not because the blankets are warm or I’m extremely comfortable (although it can be). I am battling this feeling of being overwhelmed. 

There are days I’d rather just lay in bed and let the world keep going without me. I don't want to deal with work problems, money problems, and even relational problems. Yet, I get up, work out, eat breakfast, and go to work. 

There is a moment of decision making between the uncomfortable thoughts and getting up to start my routine. It's my moment of choice. It's the moment to choose the anxiety from life or to take a step in faith. Honestly, I rather at times live in the fear.

The choice is made easier when I think about Beka and the kids. I ask God, to help me see with new eyes. I the get up and throw the blankets off and stand up. I will struggle through my workout. I will eat my honey filled oatmeal and read my Bible. Sometimes I get a lot out of my reading and other times I sit there feeling like Beltran during the 2006 NLCS game 7 (look it up). I then prepare for my work day and get to work.

I should be honest, the choice is simple, but not easy. It may seem like a paradox to some but let me explain. I look at my family as a gift. Jesus has given me the gift of being a husband and father. Not only this but Jesus has given me all good things in life. He's given me a roof over my head, food to eat, good health, and the ability to work. These are blessings and I'm grateful.

Even in the midst of gratefulness, I still live in a world of struggle. Some days work is toxic and difficult to manage. Being a parent is hard when you feel like you can't help your kid regulate their emotions. Building relationships with people can be hard especially when there may be issues of trust. There are days my money doesn't seem like enough and I can never make enough to support my family. These things bring fear into life. I'm pretty sure the weight of life is what keeps my chiropractor in business.

These are the days it's hard to get out of bed. These are the moments that I ask the question: why am I getting out of bed. That answer is the four word letter: HOPE.

Therefore, I wait...

It’s the hope that tomorrow will be better. It’s the hope that my community will come together and serve one another. It’s the hope that love wins in the end. It’s the hope that even in the struggle, there will be a day of peace. It’s the hope that we will see God. It’s this hope that helps me move forward.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of where I feel like everything is falling apart. They do happen and it's hard to see hope. It’s in those moments, I must remind myself of the following wisdom:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

For the longest time, this has been my biggest encouragement from scripture. The writer of Lamentations is writing from a place of displacement and judgement upon the nation. This is a low spot for Israel. This is written during exile. This is written in the midst of knowing that what once was is no longer. 

These words convict my soul. They remind me that if I wake up, that God’s compassion for me is new each day. It means even when the world is beating the hell out of me, God's presence doesn't change for me (and people). This reminds me I may fail as a father, husband, and a person but God love for me doesn't change. 

This doesn't mean that I take advantage of grace. It does challenge me to make the most of the next day. It challenges me to love, reconcile, and make right with my neighbors. Grace is nothing if it doesn't cause us to change. 

I'm currently in a place where I feel like I'm in the midst of a fog that blinds me from what's in front of me. I feel the weight of decisions and life circumstances. The truth is, I'm feel low and frustrated.

Yet, I hold out on the hope for tomorrow. That when I wake, the fog is lifted and I can see clearly. It might not be tomorrow or the following day. The fact is it could be a longer time than I want it to be. Yet the Lord's mercies are new each morning. He hasn't left or abandoned me. The light in the darkness. The beauty in the mess. The first thing I need to do each morning, is step out of bed.

Thanksgiving

Reminder to self...

I wish I could have been a baseball player. I miss when I was a kid, dreaming of walking onto the Mets field to play a game I loved. I miss Friday night, going to the video store and renting a movie, and eating dinner on the couch with my family. I wish I could tell my friends that I miss the nights hanging out in a basement writing songs, playing video games, and skateboarding during our band practices. It wasn’t even about the music but the fun we had together.

I wish I could find the enjoyment of the holidays, like when I believed in the mystical Santa Clause. The idea that there was a bit of magic in the world just made the world seem more interesting. I miss Denny’s. The food wasn’t great but hanging out with my friends in the middle of the night was a lot of fun.

I miss traveling with Beka. I took for granted the fun of discovering a new place. I hope we can do it again one day. I am grateful for the day I married Beka. She was beautiful that day. She still is the most beautiful woman to this day. She really is my favorite person.

I really wish I would have embraced my inner nerd earlier than I did. I love comic books and felt like I missed out on so many cool things because I didn’t want to look nerdy. I regret being so afraid to take chances with doing new things or meeting new people. Fear really affected me from being the person I am today.

I remember sneaking onto private property and skateboarding with my brother. I also remember getting caught and running away. I guess we are lucky we never got the cops called on us. I’m glad I have music as an outlet. It got me through a lot of hard times. Playing guitar gave me an outlet to process my thoughts. 

I’m lucky I have two brothers who are just solid people. I enjoy the fact that I can laugh and talk about anything with them. They are my best friends.

I smile when I remember the time in little league I played for the Mets. It was literally the best moment of my little league career. I cherish it. I remember going to a concert and my friend Andrew getting lost in a pit. We figured out later he had a concussion from getting hit by someone. I will say that it was a hell of a show. 

I remember a dream I had of heaven. It has stuck with me because I do believe Jesus gifted me with that dream.

I remember the day each day my kids were born. My favorite memory is of when Beka told me about her being pregnant with Owen. I cried because I was so excited to be a dad. I remember my dad being there for me. He takes me to baseball practice even in the midst of his studies and job. My parents are amazing people.

I remember joining one of the best departments at my job. I love the ladies that have grown me into the professional I am today. I hope they know I’m grateful. I remember the last day in New York before we moved. We went to the movies at midnight with some friends. Beka and my friend Josh fell asleep mid movie. I’m glad they are still our friends. It’s funny how many people you meet that you still hold dear memories from life.

As the year ends, and I grow older. I want to remind myself in this season how life can be beautiful. I know there are struggles and hurts that occur for everyone. It’s good to reflect on the moments God has given us. I’ve been lucky to have done a lot of what I’ve done. God has been far too good to me.

In the midst of the end of the year, I embrace a bit of gratitude for how much life I’ve lived. Thank you Jesus.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-14

Family Matters

Although I was brought up in Lancaster county, my parents weren’t from this area. I’ve learned over the years, it’s not unusual for people to spend time with extended family. This means weekends would be spent with grandparents, uncles, aunts, and of course cousins. Biological family was a priority in Lancaster County culture.

I’m not trying to say this is wrong. It isn’t wrong at all but this idea is a bit foreign to myself. I do have family in the surrounding area and we do get together but it’s also not every weekend. While growing up, my parents would connect with people at the church. We often had people over for dinner and we would get to know people.

My parents made it a priority to build relationships with others but never made it where my brothers and I were not a part of that time. Through the years, due to my parents' influence, we would build relationships with people from church. These relationships were strong and for the most part healthy. Still to this day, we go to our friends for Easter because in a way we had been grafted into their family.


As I processed this information, I realized that family is more than just blood. Family can be people we surround ourselves with in order to encourage, support, and challenge. I base this in the idea of the church. We get a brief description in Acts of the church in 2:44-47; “All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved”.


The early church shows us a picture of a group of people who met together, ate together, and even supported one another. This is what a family should do for one another. We are to come together with the common goal of encouraging and supporting.


I also believe you need to be able to challenge yourself as well. For instance, I love when Paul challenges Peter on leading others astray. Here’s what Paul writes to the Galatians: “When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray” (Galatians 2:11-13 NIV)

A part of being a family is being able to challenge and question our brothers and sisters. Sometimes we are just wrong. I can think of a time where I said some things to my friends and my older brother went and challenged me. He then told my father and we had a discussion in which I could see things not through my perspective. The correction helped me move forward and grow wiser (well hopefully).


I do believe that our community is important. I do believe the church plays an important part in building a thriving community. The church, which is a family, is one that we could be there to support and challenge one another. The church should be a place of safety where people look out for the best of a person. Of course, this won’t be perfect. The idea is that we strive to make a place safe for people to come together and be who God created us to be.

This empowerment should, in hope, inspire us to go to others and invite them to be a part of the family. Not force people to follow our rules, but show them that walking in the ways of Christ leads to a place of true peace.

Over the last few years, my family has grown in the sense that I’ve connected with people who have inspired, encouraged, and challenged me in life. I don’t see myself as the same person I was last year let alone several years ago. If we allow ourselves to take a risk and open our hearts, we may experience life giving the presence of God’s family.

As I mentioned earlier, it won’t be perfect. There may be mistakes along the way. Wisdom and prayer must be involved in the process. Yet, as Christ followers, I believe we must strive for this family feeling where we are encouraged, challenged, and most of all loved.