No Longer An Outcast

When I Grow Up

I remember when I was a kid loving baseball. I love the feeling of your fingers sliding across the seams when you throw the ball. The chills when you hear the crack (or clank if you use metal bats) bat, knowing you just destroyed the pitch. There is a list of things I love about the game of baseball, but I feel that list could go on forever.

Baseball was what I wanted to do with my life. Since I was young, my dream was to play for the New York Mets. I'd dream of what it would feel like to play at Shea Stadium (now Citi Field), to run the bases, and to win with my team. Obviously, life didn’t really play out the way my six-year-old self wanted.

My love for baseball eventually did start to fade. It wasn’t the lack of how much I loved the game. It was that the game beat me down. I worked hard. Yet, it often seemed that I had to carry a heavy weight. Surprisingly, I was good at baseball. This meant a lot of coaches put pressure on me. One memory is of me going through a slump, and the coach just kind of cycling me out of games. 

Sure I’d play, but in right field. I’m going to state something about right field that may offend lovers of right field: it’s really boring. Right field is the least hit to part of the outfield (especially anything before high school). You really are just kicking around grass. I was also near the end of the batting order, so it meant less at bats. I noticed I sit out until later innings too. This was my punishment for not producing (also not being a coaches son).

I lost my love for baseball but I also started lacking confidence. I felt like I deserved to be where I had been placed. This pattern can suck you in. The devil sucks us into this lie, that when we lack in success, we aren’t good enough.

Being Britta: Being the Worst

How often do we find ourselves in this situation? Not just in sports, but school, work, and even church. The world can and will beat you down with lies. It makes us believe we aren’t good enough or somehow we were messed up.

As human beings, we tend to focus on the things about us that aren’t up to par. We listen to what people say about us. We look try to fit labels. If we are honest, we are in constant battle with ourselves about who we are.

It’s incredible that how we look at ourselves can affect our lives. I remember in school, I’d be in the lowest level classes in things like Math or Science. Due to this, I would tell people lies that I chose the class or that it was easy. To be honest, I struggled greatly but I didn’t want people to think I was dumb. I started to believe I wasn’t smart. That mentality made me scared to strive for more. I bought into a lie.

It’s funny because I think we buy into this lie that we aren’t good enough. In a way, it’s true. We aren’t good enough to please God, but that’s why Jesus dying and resurrection are so vital to a Christian’s faith. If not for Jesus, we’d just sin and constantly fail. As I write this part, I have to laugh because it sounds really discouraging. The truth is, it shouldn’t. Think of it like this: Jesus endured the embarrassment, the wrath of God, and death for our sin. Then He rose to complete the work needed for us to be saved. He gives forgiveness and grace freely to those who call upon him. He wants to have a relationship with us.

Being Batman: You Are Awesome

Now let those truths sink in for a moment. Jesus died for our sin. He died for all. God since the garden (even before that) valued you and me so much, that he came to save us from sin. Not only that but He wants to communicate with us. Jesus wants to talk with me. He values me regardless of how much money I make, what I do, and the mistakes I have made. 

As I just take in what I just wrote, I get choked up a bit. It’s not that I wrote it beautifully but the truth behind it. God loves us so much. I cannot even fathom how much love that is but I am in constant thanks of it. I am unworthy of His love, but He gave it freely.

I’m always asked how do you apply this idea to your life. It comes with a lot of wrestling and prayer. It’s a constant battle. The devil wants to convince you of how you aren’t wonderful. When we walk with Jesus, we are beautiful because of His love. It doesn’t matter if you are rich, poor, a Mets fan, unemployed, divorced, etc. Jesus sees you with value. You are good enough because you have His grace! We are valued in Jesus.

We must remember this truth in order to move forward and to grow. It won’t be easy but I imagine that’s why we are able to communicate with God. If anyone is wondering, I still love baseball. I can't wait for the warm weather, so I can finally catch some Mets games!

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book 

before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

- Psalms 139:13-18