Maybe I'm Wrong

The Good Child

I was a middle son

Between two wayward ones

I was more deserving of my parent's love

-As Cities Burn

Growing up as a middle child comes with some benefits. I guess it's really not about me being a middle child as much as growing up with a brother who has a big personality. My older brother is very much the opposite of me. He is outgoing and adventurous. 

Please don't take this as me being self-deprecating. This is me just being honest about growing up. My brother took risk. I love that about him. He is someone who was just okay with himself. The thing is with risk, you have to deal with some consequences. 

Now my brother would do things and I'd watch. I believe this is what my younger brother did as well. We watch my older brother do things and we tried our best to learn from it. So if he got in trouble for something, we'd lodge that in our mental library for a later time. I wasn't perfect but I learned when my parents would say no or I saw my brother do something risky, I would avoid it. 

It was easy to follow suit growing up. When I was told "no", it really meant no. I'd avoid it because I didn't want to get in trouble or hurt. Needless to say, I took things my parents, teachers, and pastors said as scripture (in my mind). That had more to do with me and less the people who were teaching me. This mentality did lead to what I believe was my struggle with expressing what I thought. I just wanted to be right and not so much question things. 

The Enlightenment 

Fast forward years later. I'm now a college student, paying thousands of dollars I didn't have to get a degree that really didn't do as much as I was hoping. I went to a Bible College. I will not name them (because my fear of being sued) but I'm sure people will figure it out. I'm sitting in classes and listening to different professors and taking everything in. Yet every now and then I hear things that kind of bother me but like when I was a kid. I just took their word for it. These are some ideas like women being pastors, if Genesis was literal, you know church stuff.

Let's be honest. These professors know their stuff. Why question what they say? 

So I went through a lot of years of college never questioning things like women leadership in churches, homosexuality, tithing, worship music, if Genesis was literal or figurative, etc. Once again I went back to the idea that all the smart people teaching me were right. Who was I to question these men who have been pastors and have the title Doctor.

It's funny how some people can change perspective. I met this guy named Josh. He challenged me. He challenged my faith. He didn't allow me to get by on my verbal vomit of what I had heard in class that morning. Josh didn't think like my professors. Josh was dangerous or I'm sure that's what people might have thought. Josh was also the person who inspired me to check out a church, which also changed me. His words about the pastor was "this guy gets it". 

This would forever change my perspective on what it means to give. It changed my mind of what church should be. I mean it was life changing. 

Then I would talk to my older brother about theological thought and really discuss it. It was never a fight but more of a discussion. There is something to say about people like Josh, my pastor and friend Gary, and my brother Ian. They help me remodel my faith but most of all allowed me to think critically.

They didn't let me just become a person who read a book and just agreed with it. They challenged my thinking. The best thing of all that they did is asked, "what do you think"? This challenged me to study, to learn, and to come to my own conclusion. I began starting to admit I could be wrong and really reexamine my faith. For the first time in life, I started feeling better about just embracing what I thought God was telling me.

You were never alone

It's funny because when you start asking questions, you start to see other people are wondering the same thing. I think one of the greatest fears as Christians, is we will think something that will make us a heretic and we are the only ones who think that way. The truth is, we should be willing to take time to figure out truth (if possible). 

I mentioned in one of my past post, that it's also important to listen and not try to force an opinion. I think as Christians, we believe that we can take the place of the Holy Spirit to convict. We somehow got to a place where discussion is more about conversion than really hearing someones heart. I know I could be better at just sitting with someone and listening. 

In the end, if you have something that you think. Ask the question. I can almost say with complete conviction, someone else is thinking or thought it. Let's begin allowing ourselves to be okay with possibly being wrong and lets listen. We might actually learn something.