Maybe I'm Wrong

The Good Child

I was a middle son

Between two wayward ones

I was more deserving of my parent's love

-As Cities Burn

Growing up as a middle child comes with some benefits. I guess it's really not about me being a middle child as much as growing up with a brother who has a big personality. My older brother is very much the opposite of me. He is outgoing and adventurous. 

Please don't take this as me being self-deprecating. This is me just being honest about growing up. My brother took risk. I love that about him. He is someone who was just okay with himself. The thing is with risk, you have to deal with some consequences. 

Now my brother would do things and I'd watch. I believe this is what my younger brother did as well. We watch my older brother do things and we tried our best to learn from it. So if he got in trouble for something, we'd lodge that in our mental library for a later time. I wasn't perfect but I learned when my parents would say no or I saw my brother do something risky, I would avoid it. 

It was easy to follow suit growing up. When I was told "no", it really meant no. I'd avoid it because I didn't want to get in trouble or hurt. Needless to say, I took things my parents, teachers, and pastors said as scripture (in my mind). That had more to do with me and less the people who were teaching me. This mentality did lead to what I believe was my struggle with expressing what I thought. I just wanted to be right and not so much question things. 

The Enlightenment 

Fast forward years later. I'm now a college student, paying thousands of dollars I didn't have to get a degree that really didn't do as much as I was hoping. I went to a Bible College. I will not name them (because my fear of being sued) but I'm sure people will figure it out. I'm sitting in classes and listening to different professors and taking everything in. Yet every now and then I hear things that kind of bother me but like when I was a kid. I just took their word for it. These are some ideas like women being pastors, if Genesis was literal, you know church stuff.

Let's be honest. These professors know their stuff. Why question what they say? 

So I went through a lot of years of college never questioning things like women leadership in churches, homosexuality, tithing, worship music, if Genesis was literal or figurative, etc. Once again I went back to the idea that all the smart people teaching me were right. Who was I to question these men who have been pastors and have the title Doctor.

It's funny how some people can change perspective. I met this guy named Josh. He challenged me. He challenged my faith. He didn't allow me to get by on my verbal vomit of what I had heard in class that morning. Josh didn't think like my professors. Josh was dangerous or I'm sure that's what people might have thought. Josh was also the person who inspired me to check out a church, which also changed me. His words about the pastor was "this guy gets it". 

This would forever change my perspective on what it means to give. It changed my mind of what church should be. I mean it was life changing. 

Then I would talk to my older brother about theological thought and really discuss it. It was never a fight but more of a discussion. There is something to say about people like Josh, my pastor and friend Gary, and my brother Ian. They help me remodel my faith but most of all allowed me to think critically.

They didn't let me just become a person who read a book and just agreed with it. They challenged my thinking. The best thing of all that they did is asked, "what do you think"? This challenged me to study, to learn, and to come to my own conclusion. I began starting to admit I could be wrong and really reexamine my faith. For the first time in life, I started feeling better about just embracing what I thought God was telling me.

You were never alone

It's funny because when you start asking questions, you start to see other people are wondering the same thing. I think one of the greatest fears as Christians, is we will think something that will make us a heretic and we are the only ones who think that way. The truth is, we should be willing to take time to figure out truth (if possible). 

I mentioned in one of my past post, that it's also important to listen and not try to force an opinion. I think as Christians, we believe that we can take the place of the Holy Spirit to convict. We somehow got to a place where discussion is more about conversion than really hearing someones heart. I know I could be better at just sitting with someone and listening. 

In the end, if you have something that you think. Ask the question. I can almost say with complete conviction, someone else is thinking or thought it. Let's begin allowing ourselves to be okay with possibly being wrong and lets listen. We might actually learn something.

Rethinking Christianity: Consequences of Asking More Questions

Breaking Bad: New Way of Thinking

I recently listened to The Bad Christian podcast, which if you don't know much about it, is a podcast of three men who were looking to get more authentic with faith. The podcast doesn't always involve faith topics but diet, technology, etc.

This particular podcast stood out to me. It had a transgender man named Austen Hartke. Austen was speaking about his book and talking a bit about his story. I'll be the first to say I don't have much experience with transgender individuals and I figured it'd be good for me to listen.

Throughout the conversation it really made me quite uncomfortable. Austen talked a lot about his journey and how God was speaking to him in the midst of this journey. Now remember, I was brought up in church and went to a conservative Bible College, this kind of was pissing on what I had learned. Yet however uncomfortable I felt, I became more and more intrigued that I couldn't help but being drawn in. 

At one point, one of the podcast interviewers asked a question about what he identifies more with, being transgender or a Christian. I had thought it would be his sexuality if I'm being honest. Austen said that he identified more with being a Christian than a transgender man.

That statement hit me like a truck. Everything that I thought, heard, or even pretended to believe, was just thrown out the window. Was this the beginning of my fall into deconstructing my beliefs until I hit rock bottom? Probably not, but it was the beginning to my journey into shutting up and listening and being open to conversation.

Stop, Listen, and ask questions

Like I mentioned above, I had been in the church my whole life, and gone to a christian college. I literally have a B.S. in Bible (it's kind of funny writing that on here). I mean I've read countless books on faith, theology, and how to walk through a day as a christian. I mean I'll be honest, I thought I got the christian thing down pretty well.

The fact of the matter, is this journey had begun during my internship. My pastor and friend, Gary had challenged my thinking on a few occasions. I like to give him credit for me rethinking about what it means to "do ministry". I believe this really helped me get to where I am now.

By no means am I going to be bashing the church or Christianity, because I believe that it's very important to our world and my life. I just think maybe we've kind of gotten a little more political and stuck in our ways.

My understanding of who God is in my life has changed. My understanding of His love and grace surpasses my understanding each day. In the midst of my understanding his grace and love, it has allowed me to stop, listen and ask questions. 

One of the things that I appreciate about my parents is they did take time to answer my questions and explain things to the best of their knowledge. God had used them to teach me that sometimes it's good to sit and listen. 

This is something that as the church and I'll go as far as society isn't very good at. We can listen until we disagree, then we have to push back. Don't get me wrong, it's go to push back, but there is a better way. Most push back is a emotional response to us disagreeing and trying to be right. What I am trying to say, is even when we disagree, we should sit and listen. 

It's when we sit and listen that we really can understand someone else and their ideals. I think people are more comfortable when we don't speak right away and ask questions. Let's be honest, there is a lot about life, we don't fully understand. We've gotten these ideas and preconceived thoughts that drive our thinking. Prime example, can be seen in music. My friend might say, I should listen to Taylor Swifts new music, but how I feel about her music (and her personally) it may deter me from hearing a decent album. Just a disclaimer, I don't really like her music but it's the best thing I could come up with.

When we listen it allows us to have a good conversation. It allows us to ask questions. I mean we see questions used in the Bible. We even see Jesus ask questions (Who do you think I am? Just one example). I think when we are interacting with new ideas it's good to take time and talk to someone. This means not accusing, pushing our agenda, but questions and trying to understand. How are we ever going to learn something unless we ask questions. 

By no means do I mean you have to agree with someone. I believe we can disagree and yet still be okay with one another. I mean I'm still friends with my buddy Josh even though he likes the Yankees (yes I'm a sad Mets fan). I think it's okay to be friends with people who don't agree with you. Actually if your friends just agree with everything you say, I'd say someone's lying. 

I guess what the whole point of me even writing this is to say, we need to open ourselves up to listening to others. It's time to open our ears to different ideas, beliefs, and Yankee fans (I couldn't help myself). Like I said, you don't have to agree, but I believe Jesus wants us to listen. He may even teach you something new and change the way you think. I believe Jesus is always teaching us something new! 

So please Stop, listen, and ask questions. It will definitely make you a lifelong learner. 

Finding Nimmo

Sitting on the bench

Baseball season is one of my favourite times of the year. Being a Mets fan, makes people scratch their heads. Knowing the Mets track record, most people assume they will disappoint. Yet being a Mets fan, there is a part of us that this deep hope.


But this isn't about the Mets in particular. There is a player on the Mets named Brandon Nimmo. Right now, he's an off the bench kind of player. Yet he's a decent player, probably better than what most bench players.


The issue he is having currently is that the Mets have a crowded outfield. The outfield has some awesome players as well but this means Nimmo has to wait. Nimmo is waiting on his chance to be a starter. He may have to wait all season or maybe be traded in order to start. Baseball really is about making the most of the opportunity you are given. Yet sometimes like life, you just have to wait.

Waiting room

Waiting is probably one of the biggest struggles of every American. It's possible it's a worldly problem but America is like the best example of having no patience. Take driving for example: when people get stuck in traffic, they will weave between lanes hoping to get to where they need. Another example, cell phones. We no longer have to wait to obtain information and we even get annoyed when we can't get it quick enough.


We live in a culture that doesn't understand the importance of waiting. This pokes it's ugly head into other parts of our lives. For example when going through trials or seasons of our life that aren't where we'd like to be. I call this the waiting room.


We all know what it's like to wait for the doctor in the waiting room. You sit in this room that is normally either way to cold or hot, with some kind of news playing, and really terrible magazines that most people don't read. I mean if you find the occasional Sports Illustrated from 2013, you are lucky. Needless to say, the waiting room is never fun.


I use to hate it because I was always waiting with anxiety. You go over the scenarios of what could happen in the room. Time seems to slow in the waiting room as well. As you can see, I never was good with doctors because I was usually there just to get shots. I hate shots.


This is what life is like when we are going through seasons of trials and waiting. Most of us will admit we are super impatient. I am definitely one of those people. Only a year ago I experienced having to wait for employment. I had just recently been let go from my job. I had to begin looking for work.


To those of you who understand looking for jobs, this was very hard for me. It was not just a few weeks of being jobless, it was two and half months. I struggled with my racing thoughts of not being good enough and a failure. My faith struggled greatly in this time. I didn't see God. Actually I thought, he did this to me because I did something wrong. Needless to say, my thinking was not clear.

Momma always said to be patience

One of my favorite sections of scripture is Lamentations 3. I love the book but chapter 3 just hits home in my times of doubt. In chapter 3, you get the author writing from a place of defeat. Here is a sample:

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me."
-Lamenations 3:19-20

The reason for the authors defeated spirit is because Jerusalem had just been destroyed and people were placed in exile by the Babylonians. Jerusalem is the Holy City of Israel of God people. Yet, God allowed this to happen to HIS people.


The author mentions all the bad that had happen in the wake of this disaster. Yes, this was due to the peoples sin but remember, in the midst of the disobedient, there were Godly men and women. The author would probably be one of those if we assume it is Jeremiah. Yet just like all those who were wicked, our boy Jerry had to sit in a season of trial.


What's truly beautiful about this book is written in chapter 3:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young. (Lamentation 3:21-27)


I love it and get chills when I read this part of scripture. Jerry in the midst of questioning God, gets it. He's later mentions that he's not cast off forever and that even in grief, God has compassion (3:31-33). Jerry understands who God is. He understands that God's grace is still within bad situations. Waiting isn't about being punished but more so understanding that God will bring forth his redemption. He will redeem whatever situation we are in. 

Some times we need to be reminded of the fact that God is in control. That when we wait, we see redemption through Christ work. In the book "Detours" Tony Evan's says this, "The key to victory in whatever situation you are facing is not first where you are or what you are going through but rather who is with you while you're there"(75).

God's working in the moments of waiting. Evans speaks about Joseph also being in prison, and getting promoted (75). In the midst of our trials God does prepare us for what's next. He builds us up. We need to understand that when we seek Him in the midst, he answers in strange ways.

In waiting for my job, the Lord prepared me in a new way to being able to find forgiveness. I was harboring so much anger. I was so focused on my frustration of not getting jobs and feeling betrayed, he taught me to forgive. I just remember one day sitting in his presence and He told me to forgive those who I felt betrayed me. Let me tell you, in my current job, people lie, people make mistakes, and I've been more forgiving. Actually, I am able to put my feelings behind me and love them like the father in the prodigal son. It makes me better at my job.

This is a small example of waiting on the Lord and getting to know Him better. When we understand God's heart for us and what he does for us in the midst of different seasons, things aren't too bad. I mean it's easier said then done. Yet really listening for God rather than getting frustrated helps. I mean I took the more negative way but my hope in Him did come through.

Like my boy Nimmo on the Mets, sometimes we have to wait until we see what's coming. Yet in these times, take advantage of what God is giving you. Looking for what God is doing in the midst of a season reminds you his grace is enough.
Now off to my current season of waiting... hopefully I can remember what I wrote.

The Buckner Day's of Summer

Finding something worth doing

I believe it was around 5 or 6 when my parents were wanting me to pursue some type of activity. Well due to my love of the Power Rangers, I thought “why not karate”. I mean how hard it could be, I had been a Power Ranger like 4 Halloween's in a row. Well how my first interaction with Karate ended, was me crying and wanting to leave. In my defense, I’m totally a wimp, I’m afraid of heights, no idea why. It wouldn’t be until years later where God helped me break out of my shell. 

American's Greatest Pastime

My parents went back to the drawing board with the whole extra-circular activities. My mom brought up baseball. I’d like baseball due to my mom. My mom was from Long Island New York, and was a Mets fan. At this point, I was already into baseball due to the Mets, so I tried it. I’m grateful for this moment in my life because baseball had changed my world. I met a lot of my friends through it but not only that, I was good at it. I loved the game. I started in Pony League (or little league). I learned the basics and it seemed like everything just clicked for me in the game. I went on to actually be a really good player. Yet with all my potential, politics ruined it for me. That’s another story for another day. 

It's not just about the game...

Baseball also taught me one of my greatest strengths at the time: compassion. People may not believe this but I truly want to see the best for others. I loved the game of baseball because it taught me how to be compassionate. Baseball is a game of many possible misfortunes. In an instant you can blow a game, lose a streak, or miss an easy ground ball (Sorry Buckner). In those moments, it’s always good to have someone come alongside you and just be there in the moment. I found that was my gifting. 

Regardless of how good or bad, I always wanted to be there for my team. It was important to me that those guys knew that they were not failures. I believe God used this even though I was unaware it was God. It’s like life. We all go through failures. Some of us have messed up relationships, some of us got into things like drugs that messed us up, and some of us are Philadelphia Eagle fans… just kidding of course. In those moments though, I imagine Jesus just sitting with someone. He wouldn’t be sitting there because he wants to gloat but he wants to sit in the suffering with us. He wants to know that He’s there. He wants us to know He understands. 

God

It’s beautiful when you have these moments of compassion. When you see the person just as you see yourself: someone who needs to be loved. In baseball, it was the guy who just needed to know that he mattered regardless of how he was doing. I loved being that guy. Little did I know that was Jesus using me as an instrument of his grace? Sitting in suffering and loving someone through that suffering speaks highly of the God we serve.

Power

Spiderman

In the early 2000's I remember seeing the movie "Spiderman". At the time, the superhero movie genre had not really hit it's stride (aka the MCU). Yet Spiderman came out and it was quite the hit. I admit, I have a soft spot for Spiderman; who is probably my favorite Marvel character. To say the least, I was excited to see it!

Of course, like most superhero movies (except Batman V. Superman), it was an origin story. It gave us the story as to why, Spiderman became Spiderman. One of the most important parts of the story dealt with something his Uncle Ben (may he rest in fictional peace) said. He expressed to Peter (spoiler for those who don't know Spiderman's identity 😉) this thought: "with great power comes great responsibility".

Power and Responsibility

 

Recently, I've thought about this idea of power and responsibility. The question has to be asked, is it true with the more power whether it be influence, status, etc. is there more responsibility. For instance, scripture says this in James, "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly" (James 3:1 NIV).


I heard this verse thrown around in all my pastoral classes as much as guys threw frisbees on campus. The reason professors wanted this to sink in, is this idea, that with the power of teaching others about scripture, comes a great responsibility. Not only is it important, but you will be judged stricter than others. To be honest, that scared the hell out of me. I would say it's probably a reason why I'm not working in a church.


The fact of the matter is it's kind of true. With great power, comes great responsibility. Why do you think we spend so much time ragging on our politicians? They have the power to do things that I can only imagine. They are voted in and are suppose to use there affluence and influence to help the country, state, township, etc. Obviously that doesn't always work out but the idea remains the same.


The same went for the Kings of Israel. They were suppose to lead the people to walk with God. The kings either "did evil" or "did right" in the eyes of God. To be honest, it seemed like a lot of them did evil, which is similar to now. The purpose of the king really was to help the people turn to God but eventually kings would lead them to destruction.


Power can corrupt. It happens in school, work, and church. We sometimes forget the responsibility that we were given. This will happen because we are imperfect. We will make mistakes. We will forget our responsibility. It's important to have others around who can remind you. Think of Nathan to David. David sinned by sleeping with another man's wife and then having him killed. Nathan called him out and reminded David of his responsibility,


"Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own." (2 Samuel 12:7-10 NIV)


God did forgive David but this gives a good idea of David's responsibility. Kind of helps us understand our need for Christ. We needed a savior to lead us and help us defeat our desire for power.


My Responsibility

I've had to evaluate why this thought had come to my mind recently. Truthfully it mostly because of leadership in our country, my job, in my church, etc. This is truly a struggle for me, because like earlier, there is a lot of pressure to perform when given influence or affluence. Like I mentioned earlier with my pastoral classes, it scares me that I would have that kind of influence.


Yet regardless, I have that everyday. Regardless of what I do, I still have influence. I am a representative of Christ to others each day. I represent Christ to not only to those who aren't "Christians" but also those who are "Christians". My actions are suppose to share the love of Christ. My attitude is to be one that Christ too had.


I have been given the Holy Spirit. This is the same spirit that Jesus said he would give his apostles. Due to this, I have power. That in my human weakness, God has given me strength. It goes back to the idea, that I must keep my eyes on Christ. When I focus my eyes, this power is more of a gift that I am thankful for rather than a means to get what I want. I must focus my eyes on the almighty in thankfulness.


This isn't to say that I or others won't make mistakes. Sometimes I will abuse the power. I will use it for gain. To which, I hope God through his spirit, convicts my heart. I hope that others will call me out. I must remember, with great power comes great responsibility. I may not have spider powers but I do have a greater power. This power is for others to feel true love. I must focus my eyes on Christ in order to be wise with my influence.

We need more cussin' Christians

Being Real

I had a friend when I was going through school. He was one of the most real people I've ever met. He went to church with me for a time when I was in high school. He came to my church after going through a pretty difficult situation in his life. He found himself in a broken state. During this time at my church, he was introduced to Jesus. From that moment, he changed and God brought to light the person my friend had become. 

The reason I mentioned that he was the most real person, was because when he made a lot of mistakes, but was willing to admit to them. He also just said what was on his heart. He didn't care how ridiculous it sounded to others, he spoke from the heart. Trust me, there were times you just shook your head but occasionally he had some powerful words for me.

He was not afraid of peoples perceptions. I thought that was cool because so often we try to please people. His prayers were not elegant, which made them truly beautiful. He also cussed, which I thought at the time was so terrible, now I kind envy him for staying true to himself.

My friend I haven't seen in many years but I'm sure is still the same. My hope is that he does remain the same guy that I knew in those years.

Model Citizen 

I like to think more Christian's should be like my friend. I think they should be open about there mistakes and I think they should cuss more.  In the American church, we came to the conclusion we needed to fit this "Christian" persona. 

I believe that we need to shake things up and real people will come out of hiding. We need those Christians who love Jesus but still are rough around the edges. We need those guys and gals who doubt, cuss, and yet understand the grace of God.  We need more Tax-Collectors who beat there chest towards Heaven and say, "God have mercy on me, a sinner"(Lk 18:13). 

Don't get me wrong. I still believe in sin. I do, believe we are called to be different from the world. I also believe that Jesus wants to see people be real. I mean we have to ask how easy it is to walk into church and just be in church. The church has become more of the building than the people. The church is suppose to be a place we should feel safe. Safe to express our thoughts, safe to explore our doubts, and most of all to have conversations.

I think the church is great. My point is not to downplay the role of the church in society. I believe it has more to do with the christian individual. I think we lost focus a bit.

 How often do people disagree on theology in churches. I'm not talking the big points of theology, I mean little things. For instance, the role of women, styles of worship, and the role of the pastor. I mean honestly, who cares. Who cares if the pastor preaches or has a open discussion. Who cares if a women becomes a pastor or a leader in the church. I don't think anyone is going to hell. I don't think God won't use the situation regardless. Isn't he the God of the universe?

I think it's sad that we have a lot of people leaving the church. I know with working with lots of individuals, people have doubts. I mean to believe takes a lot of faith. People will struggle with understanding ideas like hell, salvation, etc. I believe we should instead of telling them they are wrong, listen and discuss it.

I'm tired of not being real. I want to discuss some of my thoughts on God, society, etc.

Safety

At work, I had a training for all staff. It was to understand the vision of the organization. There was a lot of good things said but in particular something stood out to me. The presenter spoke about the idea of safe people. The idea is that no one is 100% safe other than God. Yet, there are people that are 70% safe. This means that they are people who are trustworthy, that walk alongside you. You know they will fail you occasionally because they are human but they are good people. 

I've done a lot of soul searching. I've dove into conversation with God about my thoughts. Sometimes I get answers, sometimes I don't. Regardless, I wrestle with God in these times. I don't look at it as unbelief, but more of trying to understand God's heart. I know I won't get answers I expect but at least I'm showing the desire to know God's heart more.

The main idea of this was first, Jesus is the one who we can fully trust with our thoughts, feelings, etc. He's the one who can answer all things. Yet, I believe Christians should be the 70% of safe people. We should be the people who are real and honest about our lives. Lot's of people feel shame, hurt, afraid, etc. As Christians, we should be there to listen and love. 

Let's be the 70% of safe people. Let's allow ourselves to not get caught up in keeping a persona. Let's be real. Let's allow God to use us through our love and peacemaking. 

Maybe things won't change but let's give others a reason to think again about Jesus and what he can do.

Just some thoughts...

The Long Halloween

The Long Halloween

As many people know, I love Batman. The character isn't just dark and brooding. I mean, he does it a lot, but I wouldn't say that defines him completely (sorry Zach Synder). Batman has had many story's told of him over the years, one in particular came to mind recently.

"The Long Halloween" was written by Jeph Loeb and was a story consisting of Batman's relationships with Gordon and Harvey Dent. The reason this story was so compelling because it's the first time we see Batman trust others. He doesn't reveal his identity but allows himself to work with others.

Throughout the story, they are looking for the killer involved in gruesome murders, known as Holiday. He only kills on  Holidays. During this journey, Batman softens to the men he is working with and you can see the turmoil inside. As the story progresses, you see Batman kind of accept the partnership and even believe in the men he's working with to catch the killer.

Now to those who have seen the movie "The Dark Knight", this will be familiar. Harvey Dent, who throughout the whole story and shown as a good man, falls from grace. Some would say this story could be called, The Rise and Fall of Harvey Dent. Harvey Dent, during there investigation of the Holiday Killer, begins to psychologically break down. Not to ruin the story, but he becomes Two-Face, and has been a part of the killings of the Holiday Killer. There is much more to the story but I won't spoil anything more.

Betrayal 

Although the "Long Halloween seems quite depressing, it's a story of human nature. It's a story that actually reveals truth about mankind. Batman who believed in Dent, finds himself again, watching another person fall off the road to righteousness. Once again, Batman has a moment of disappointment.

We experience this in a lot of our relationships. How often do we find others who we believe in, and find ourselves scratching our heads at the betrayal? It happened to me, it even happened to Jesus. We believe and trust others with what we believe is sacred and sometimes we get let down.

That's the thing though isn't it. We put so much weight in our relationships. How often do we hear about couples falling out of love. I mean even something as simple as musicians breaking bands up due to differences. There is a core issue that seems show its ugly head to us.

Putting too much stock in...

I listen to a lot of people speak about the feelings of being disrespected or hurt. The common thing that interlocks there stories: people letting them down. I met this man who came in to my office so angry at the world. This man was young and afraid of allowing himself to get close to anyone. I remember so often being annoyed with him. I felt like I could give him ideas, but he'd just shoot it down. 

It's funny how God works. This man would day by day wear me down by just complaining and complaining. I eventually would just stop trying so hard. Then one day these words came out of his mouth: "you know Sean, you've let me down". In that moment, I understood something that I remained blind to in all our conversations. This man had been let down. Not once, not twice, but so many times. He had expectations on me, that truthfully were unfair. Due to this, he felt like I let him down.

His issue was simple. He had too high of expectations in people. In some way or another, people relationships were his idol or God. As we spoke, I learned more about how he searched for relationships because he didn't want to be alone, but all of them ended in similar ways. Either he was disappointed in them, or they felt he was too clingy. It was hard but he was able to see, that he couldn't keep following that pattern.

Grace make your way

How often do I find myself having these unreal expectations on my wife and I'm sure my son. The reality is, they are sinners. They will let me down. They will not fulfill my every need. They will not take crime off the streets of Gotham (because I'm Batman). Since the garden, we have this desire to put people in high reverence rather than God. Israel felt they needed a king rather than God. Sure God gave it to them, but it came with a lot of strife.

It's very cliched but it does mean something. We need to fix our eyes on the cross of grace. Jesus life, sacrifice, and resurrection. We need to live in the truth that Christ gives us grace in relationships. People will let us down. They some will on purpose, while others don't mean to. Regardless, we must realize that all we need comes from Christ. Christ, if our understanding that God is good (this is another discussion),  will not let us down. He walks through all things with us. He never forsakes us.

Ultimately relationships with others are important. I love my friends. Yet I know, in some way or another, they will not meet my expectations. They will let me down. The same will be for me as them. When Christ is my focus, those hurts don't make me give up on people, but understand that we need Christ to understand that our needs are met.