Power

Spiderman

In the early 2000's I remember seeing the movie "Spiderman". At the time, the superhero movie genre had not really hit it's stride (aka the MCU). Yet Spiderman came out and it was quite the hit. I admit, I have a soft spot for Spiderman; who is probably my favorite Marvel character. To say the least, I was excited to see it!

Of course, like most superhero movies (except Batman V. Superman), it was an origin story. It gave us the story as to why, Spiderman became Spiderman. One of the most important parts of the story dealt with something his Uncle Ben (may he rest in fictional peace) said. He expressed to Peter (spoiler for those who don't know Spiderman's identity 😉) this thought: "with great power comes great responsibility".

Power and Responsibility

 

Recently, I've thought about this idea of power and responsibility. The question has to be asked, is it true with the more power whether it be influence, status, etc. is there more responsibility. For instance, scripture says this in James, "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly" (James 3:1 NIV).


I heard this verse thrown around in all my pastoral classes as much as guys threw frisbees on campus. The reason professors wanted this to sink in, is this idea, that with the power of teaching others about scripture, comes a great responsibility. Not only is it important, but you will be judged stricter than others. To be honest, that scared the hell out of me. I would say it's probably a reason why I'm not working in a church.


The fact of the matter is it's kind of true. With great power, comes great responsibility. Why do you think we spend so much time ragging on our politicians? They have the power to do things that I can only imagine. They are voted in and are suppose to use there affluence and influence to help the country, state, township, etc. Obviously that doesn't always work out but the idea remains the same.


The same went for the Kings of Israel. They were suppose to lead the people to walk with God. The kings either "did evil" or "did right" in the eyes of God. To be honest, it seemed like a lot of them did evil, which is similar to now. The purpose of the king really was to help the people turn to God but eventually kings would lead them to destruction.


Power can corrupt. It happens in school, work, and church. We sometimes forget the responsibility that we were given. This will happen because we are imperfect. We will make mistakes. We will forget our responsibility. It's important to have others around who can remind you. Think of Nathan to David. David sinned by sleeping with another man's wife and then having him killed. Nathan called him out and reminded David of his responsibility,


"Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own." (2 Samuel 12:7-10 NIV)


God did forgive David but this gives a good idea of David's responsibility. Kind of helps us understand our need for Christ. We needed a savior to lead us and help us defeat our desire for power.


My Responsibility

I've had to evaluate why this thought had come to my mind recently. Truthfully it mostly because of leadership in our country, my job, in my church, etc. This is truly a struggle for me, because like earlier, there is a lot of pressure to perform when given influence or affluence. Like I mentioned earlier with my pastoral classes, it scares me that I would have that kind of influence.


Yet regardless, I have that everyday. Regardless of what I do, I still have influence. I am a representative of Christ to others each day. I represent Christ to not only to those who aren't "Christians" but also those who are "Christians". My actions are suppose to share the love of Christ. My attitude is to be one that Christ too had.


I have been given the Holy Spirit. This is the same spirit that Jesus said he would give his apostles. Due to this, I have power. That in my human weakness, God has given me strength. It goes back to the idea, that I must keep my eyes on Christ. When I focus my eyes, this power is more of a gift that I am thankful for rather than a means to get what I want. I must focus my eyes on the almighty in thankfulness.


This isn't to say that I or others won't make mistakes. Sometimes I will abuse the power. I will use it for gain. To which, I hope God through his spirit, convicts my heart. I hope that others will call me out. I must remember, with great power comes great responsibility. I may not have spider powers but I do have a greater power. This power is for others to feel true love. I must focus my eyes on Christ in order to be wise with my influence.

We need more cussin' Christians

Being Real

I had a friend when I was going through school. He was one of the most real people I've ever met. He went to church with me for a time when I was in high school. He came to my church after going through a pretty difficult situation in his life. He found himself in a broken state. During this time at my church, he was introduced to Jesus. From that moment, he changed and God brought to light the person my friend had become. 

The reason I mentioned that he was the most real person, was because when he made a lot of mistakes, but was willing to admit to them. He also just said what was on his heart. He didn't care how ridiculous it sounded to others, he spoke from the heart. Trust me, there were times you just shook your head but occasionally he had some powerful words for me.

He was not afraid of peoples perceptions. I thought that was cool because so often we try to please people. His prayers were not elegant, which made them truly beautiful. He also cussed, which I thought at the time was so terrible, now I kind envy him for staying true to himself.

My friend I haven't seen in many years but I'm sure is still the same. My hope is that he does remain the same guy that I knew in those years.

Model Citizen 

I like to think more Christian's should be like my friend. I think they should be open about there mistakes and I think they should cuss more.  In the American church, we came to the conclusion we needed to fit this "Christian" persona. 

I believe that we need to shake things up and real people will come out of hiding. We need those Christians who love Jesus but still are rough around the edges. We need those guys and gals who doubt, cuss, and yet understand the grace of God.  We need more Tax-Collectors who beat there chest towards Heaven and say, "God have mercy on me, a sinner"(Lk 18:13). 

Don't get me wrong. I still believe in sin. I do, believe we are called to be different from the world. I also believe that Jesus wants to see people be real. I mean we have to ask how easy it is to walk into church and just be in church. The church has become more of the building than the people. The church is suppose to be a place we should feel safe. Safe to express our thoughts, safe to explore our doubts, and most of all to have conversations.

I think the church is great. My point is not to downplay the role of the church in society. I believe it has more to do with the christian individual. I think we lost focus a bit.

 How often do people disagree on theology in churches. I'm not talking the big points of theology, I mean little things. For instance, the role of women, styles of worship, and the role of the pastor. I mean honestly, who cares. Who cares if the pastor preaches or has a open discussion. Who cares if a women becomes a pastor or a leader in the church. I don't think anyone is going to hell. I don't think God won't use the situation regardless. Isn't he the God of the universe?

I think it's sad that we have a lot of people leaving the church. I know with working with lots of individuals, people have doubts. I mean to believe takes a lot of faith. People will struggle with understanding ideas like hell, salvation, etc. I believe we should instead of telling them they are wrong, listen and discuss it.

I'm tired of not being real. I want to discuss some of my thoughts on God, society, etc.

Safety

At work, I had a training for all staff. It was to understand the vision of the organization. There was a lot of good things said but in particular something stood out to me. The presenter spoke about the idea of safe people. The idea is that no one is 100% safe other than God. Yet, there are people that are 70% safe. This means that they are people who are trustworthy, that walk alongside you. You know they will fail you occasionally because they are human but they are good people. 

I've done a lot of soul searching. I've dove into conversation with God about my thoughts. Sometimes I get answers, sometimes I don't. Regardless, I wrestle with God in these times. I don't look at it as unbelief, but more of trying to understand God's heart. I know I won't get answers I expect but at least I'm showing the desire to know God's heart more.

The main idea of this was first, Jesus is the one who we can fully trust with our thoughts, feelings, etc. He's the one who can answer all things. Yet, I believe Christians should be the 70% of safe people. We should be the people who are real and honest about our lives. Lot's of people feel shame, hurt, afraid, etc. As Christians, we should be there to listen and love. 

Let's be the 70% of safe people. Let's allow ourselves to not get caught up in keeping a persona. Let's be real. Let's allow God to use us through our love and peacemaking. 

Maybe things won't change but let's give others a reason to think again about Jesus and what he can do.

Just some thoughts...

The Long Halloween

The Long Halloween

As many people know, I love Batman. The character isn't just dark and brooding. I mean, he does it a lot, but I wouldn't say that defines him completely (sorry Zach Synder). Batman has had many story's told of him over the years, one in particular came to mind recently.

"The Long Halloween" was written by Jeph Loeb and was a story consisting of Batman's relationships with Gordon and Harvey Dent. The reason this story was so compelling because it's the first time we see Batman trust others. He doesn't reveal his identity but allows himself to work with others.

Throughout the story, they are looking for the killer involved in gruesome murders, known as Holiday. He only kills on  Holidays. During this journey, Batman softens to the men he is working with and you can see the turmoil inside. As the story progresses, you see Batman kind of accept the partnership and even believe in the men he's working with to catch the killer.

Now to those who have seen the movie "The Dark Knight", this will be familiar. Harvey Dent, who throughout the whole story and shown as a good man, falls from grace. Some would say this story could be called, The Rise and Fall of Harvey Dent. Harvey Dent, during there investigation of the Holiday Killer, begins to psychologically break down. Not to ruin the story, but he becomes Two-Face, and has been a part of the killings of the Holiday Killer. There is much more to the story but I won't spoil anything more.

Betrayal 

Although the "Long Halloween seems quite depressing, it's a story of human nature. It's a story that actually reveals truth about mankind. Batman who believed in Dent, finds himself again, watching another person fall off the road to righteousness. Once again, Batman has a moment of disappointment.

We experience this in a lot of our relationships. How often do we find others who we believe in, and find ourselves scratching our heads at the betrayal? It happened to me, it even happened to Jesus. We believe and trust others with what we believe is sacred and sometimes we get let down.

That's the thing though isn't it. We put so much weight in our relationships. How often do we hear about couples falling out of love. I mean even something as simple as musicians breaking bands up due to differences. There is a core issue that seems show its ugly head to us.

Putting too much stock in...

I listen to a lot of people speak about the feelings of being disrespected or hurt. The common thing that interlocks there stories: people letting them down. I met this man who came in to my office so angry at the world. This man was young and afraid of allowing himself to get close to anyone. I remember so often being annoyed with him. I felt like I could give him ideas, but he'd just shoot it down. 

It's funny how God works. This man would day by day wear me down by just complaining and complaining. I eventually would just stop trying so hard. Then one day these words came out of his mouth: "you know Sean, you've let me down". In that moment, I understood something that I remained blind to in all our conversations. This man had been let down. Not once, not twice, but so many times. He had expectations on me, that truthfully were unfair. Due to this, he felt like I let him down.

His issue was simple. He had too high of expectations in people. In some way or another, people relationships were his idol or God. As we spoke, I learned more about how he searched for relationships because he didn't want to be alone, but all of them ended in similar ways. Either he was disappointed in them, or they felt he was too clingy. It was hard but he was able to see, that he couldn't keep following that pattern.

Grace make your way

How often do I find myself having these unreal expectations on my wife and I'm sure my son. The reality is, they are sinners. They will let me down. They will not fulfill my every need. They will not take crime off the streets of Gotham (because I'm Batman). Since the garden, we have this desire to put people in high reverence rather than God. Israel felt they needed a king rather than God. Sure God gave it to them, but it came with a lot of strife.

It's very cliched but it does mean something. We need to fix our eyes on the cross of grace. Jesus life, sacrifice, and resurrection. We need to live in the truth that Christ gives us grace in relationships. People will let us down. They some will on purpose, while others don't mean to. Regardless, we must realize that all we need comes from Christ. Christ, if our understanding that God is good (this is another discussion),  will not let us down. He walks through all things with us. He never forsakes us.

Ultimately relationships with others are important. I love my friends. Yet I know, in some way or another, they will not meet my expectations. They will let me down. The same will be for me as them. When Christ is my focus, those hurts don't make me give up on people, but understand that we need Christ to understand that our needs are met. 

Dancing around landmines

Faces 

I was sitting in my office looking across the the desk at a man who's face that showed defeat. It's not uncommon for me me to interact with someone who feels defeated. This man after seeing where he was just was broken. What really seemed to hurt is he felt unheard. He felt as a failure. When he admitted to feeling this way, it broke my heart. Yet I myself could identify with this man. I too suffered from the same problem: a broken spirit needing mending.

Like I mentioned earlier, it's not uncommon for me for me to deal with people feeling defeated. It comes with the territory of my job. This doesn't make it easier. My conversations stem from broken relationships, fear of church, a false view of self, and a struggle to overcome past demons. 

When talking to a person, it's really easy to see how their soul is feeling. It reflects on their faces. I believe one of the biggest struggle in the world, is feeling like we matter. We focus on what the world looks at as successful or great. I would go as far as to say we as the church are part of that problem too.

Bad Christian

The church is the greatest gift to the world. I want everyone to know my goal is not to put down the church, but to just bring to light something that I think is important. When listening to people speak, there is somewhat a fear of what others think. It's almost like this sense of people will see them as dirty or a bad person. 

For instance, I can't tell you how many Christians friends have told me that they had premarital sex. They go into this spiral of fearing what other Christians will think. I usually just sit there an listen. They pour out their heart but you can see in their faces the fear of being a disappointment.

The first thing, I do before I even say anything is for identify my own sin. I look at myself and see that I am no better than this man or woman before me. When I can understand that I too am walking with just as much guilt, I can fully sympathize. By no means does this mean I tell them that sin is okay but I too feel the guilt. I then listen and love them the way Jesus loves me.

It's really funny how we can be so afraid to tell other sinners of our struggles but we go to Jesus and ask for forgiveness so easily. We should feel like we can speak to others about our sin because Jesus being holy still loves and forgives us. God opinion mean a heck of a lot more than man's. Then why do we fear one another.

Holy Facades 

Growing up in the church, I was able to see the good and the bad. One of the biggest struggles is watching people hide behind what I call the "Holy Facade". This is where we play the part of a good christian, yet still struggling with other aspects of life. 

I believe in the American church culture, we believe it's better to play the part than admit to the universal truth: we are sinners in need of Christ each day. Admit it, when you are asked how you are doing, you will probably just say good. I do it. I did this to even my most trusted friends, because I wanted to look a certain way to others. I even felt I had to play the part because my father was a pastor at times. I could be walking in my broken spirit but wanting knowing the wrong I've done.

As the church, we are a place of healing. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. We live in the death and resurrection of Christ. Christ knew we were a mess. That's why He came to save us from ourselves. This isn't to say we can live in our sin but it does help us feel less pressure.

We are not here to look the part, we are here to live the part. I should not fear being truthful with my brothers and sisters in the church. I don't have to be a certain way. I don't need to dress a certain way. I don't need to say the key Christian phrases. I don't have to love contemporary Christian music. I need to come as I am to the church and worship in holy reverence of the one who saved me.

At the end of the day, God's forgiveness and love for us is greater than any man. As Christians, we can identify with that truth. Yet as the church, we need to reach out and be real. We must use the church as the hospital for the healer to do his work. We need to stop putting our preconceived views on others and walk alongside them. This will bring a lot of struggle. Humans are rough around the edges but Jesus knew this and still works with us. Let's work together to be open and pick up others in this time of trial and remember the sweet grace of Christ.

We are suppose to focus on the inside the outside. Let's start walking and loving those who have fallen away or struggle. Christ will work through us. Let's begin a revival.

Breaking The Bat: I'm No Superman

Redemptive Days...

While I was in college, I fell in love. Normally in stories this follows a long string of adjectives describing the beautiful woman a person would marry. Although, I did fall in love with my amazing wife, this is a completely different story.

I'd gone through a time in college, where I began to start searching for what I can only describe as something more. Being a christian had become mundane. I was a Bible college student, that felt I was just kind of bored with knowledge and church. I had been attending a church in which felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with comfort, but I didn't feel like I was growing. 

I remember talking to a friend of mine named Josh. I told him about my dilemma. Then he said, "Come to my church, it's called Redemption. Gary (the pastor) just gets it". At the time, I will admit I don't know what it was but it didn't take long till I figured out what Josh meant.

I'm not known to venture but for some reason I did and I ended up at Redemption Church, located in Bristol, PA. Within the short time I was there, I fell in love with the community. The church took me in and they loved me. They didn't know me, they didn't know my baggage, but they loved me. They also understood a key point to theology. Which was said in these words, "Redemption Church of Bristol is a community of sinners and skeptics longing for the Redemption of God".

In other words, they got it! They understood the needs I was feeling. They were real. They were authentic. They helped me understand the importance of being open and honest. We are sinners and skeptics but we long for God's redemption. We long for the blood of Christ to cover us. This doesn't mean we don't struggle. It means we wrestle until God reveals his beautiful purpose.

Wrestling with God, and Breaking your back

Being open about life isn't something we are often good at. I believe it takes someone else opening up, in order to have conversations about what weighs on our hearts. This is going to be one of those stories...

December to March has been some of the hardest and most challenging months of my life. I call that time, my time on the  deserted island. The reason I say that was because it was a lot of me alone to my thoughts and fears.

In December, I had lost my job that I had been working for about a year and some change. Just the week before, I had learned that my wife was pregnant with our first child. I had not been fired because I was a poor worker. I had been fired because I opened my mouth and let people know where my head was at. Looking back, it was stupid of me. Yet, I thought I could trust people. It turned out I couldn't. 

During the meeting, I just remember feeling like I was the problem. I never believed it was the intention of anyone, but it came across as I was not good enough. This dug into me and hurt like hell. 

I was devastated. I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I was afraid. I felt rejected. These emotions would be able to hide away during the holidays. The truth be told, it's easy to distract ourselves and feel good for a time. It's easy to say God is good, while you have family around and friends. My moment of wrestling came after the holidays. That's when God and I had it out.

During the first week back from the holidays, Beka had gone back to work and I began looking for jobs. The first week I probably applied for 50 jobs. The funny thing about job searching, is you actually have a lot of time outside of looking for jobs. That's when the lies began. That's when the anger, rejection, fear, and embarrassment came out. That's when I felt my back break.

Broken

During the month of January, everything seem to come to the forefront. I remember feeling very numb. I would be good for a moment, saying that God would provide, the next I'd feel a sadness mixed with anger sweep over me. I remember feeling anxious everyday, even hiding from our landlords because I felt like a failure.

The funny thing when you are embarrassed or having feelings of rejection about yourself, you get angry at others. I was angry with myself at times too but mostly others. I remember thinking about the people who had let me go, and wanting to get payback. I wanted justice because I felt wronged. Every time they'd come to mind, it would be theses thoughts of hate and anger. It was quite sick and twisted for me. I also pulled away from friends. I would even say I pulled away from my wife. I felt as if I failed Beka. 

During this time, I'd take walks and pray. I think I mostly did it because I wanted to calm myself because I would get so angry. These walks came with a lot of questioning too. I remember just being in tears, which didn't help because it was cold, and just telling God how mad I was. I wanted answers. I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to be angry. I was angry at God for feeling the way I did. I was angry at God because I kept praying but He didn't take it away. I was angry at God because I just couldn't feel anything. Even the Bible was a dull piece of literature for me. 

Then it finally happened to me. I remember getting on the floor and just saying it. I remember telling Jesus " I feel like s#!$". 

Now first off, this in no way is how I talk to God all the time. I just said it. I just felt it. I owned it. I remember telling Jesus, I can't do this anymore. I can't walk in this. I had really been dancing around and not being honest with God. My prayers, I was holding back. It's weird to say, but I wasn't saying what I felt, I was saying the evangelical Christian key words in prayers.

It was in the moment, I was just raw with God, that I remember feeling the most peace. Then He said, "Forgive them". I will admit, it took 2 weeks before I actually sent email's to the people I was mad at and apoligized. It was not instantaneous. I didn't want to. Yet every time I prayed in my hurt, God said "Forgive". So finally I gave in to my brokenness and trusted God.

Freedom

I imagine when Jesus came back to Peter after Peter denying Him, Peter must of been carrying a heavy weight. Then to sit there and be asked, not once, not twice, but 3 times (because the Bible loves 3's) if Peter loved Him, must have been painful. I feel like sometimes, Jesus was just trying to get Peter to be real with Him. He wanted to see Peter's heart. I mean just read this passage:

"Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.'"

-John 21:17

I believe that Jesus brings us to these moments because He wants to see our hearts. He wants us to acknowledge that we are hurt and want freedom. I think Jesus challenges us by asking the hard questions. In the midst of my broken state, Jesus was just wanted to see if I could forgive. If I wanted to find true healing from all the emotions, it was to do the opposite of what my human nature wanted to do. 

I believe in being authentic. I loved Redemption in Bristol, because they were real with me. I didn't always like it but it was God's way of growing the church. We will wrestle, but let's wrestle with the topics and be truthful. I think it's okay to say your not okay. It's good to talk about things. Obviously, its good not to dwell on it but to be able to speak about it when appropriate. I think if anything, it's good to be honest with God. It's good to speak respectfully but I think also honestly. We are to honor God, but we also need to be honest.

When I read Psalms, I see the Psalmist telling God, you have destroyed me. Then I think, "WHAT, YOU CAN'T DO THAT" Yet it's in the Bible. In spite of this, the psalmist also gives honor to God. He is respectful because God is to be honored. So there is a line or at least I think there is one.

In closing, I wanted to be real. It's not saying my story is not worst than others. There are others with harder things they've gone through. I just wanted to be open about it. I wanted to show people that I'm not a great follower of Christ all the time. Yet, I also want people to see, Jesus redeems the sinner and makes them whole.

We are made to be authentic, let the discussions begin!

No Longer An Outcast

When I Grow Up

I remember when I was a kid loving baseball. I love the feeling of your fingers sliding across the seams when you throw the ball. The chills when you hear the crack (or clank if you use metal bats) bat, knowing you just destroyed the pitch. There is a list of things I love about the game of baseball, but I feel that list could go on forever.

Baseball was what I wanted to do with my life. Since I was young, my dream was to play for the New York Mets. I'd dream of what it would feel like to play at Shea Stadium (now Citi Field), to run the bases, and to win with my team. Obviously, life didn’t really play out the way my six-year-old self wanted.

My love for baseball eventually did start to fade. It wasn’t the lack of how much I loved the game. It was that the game beat me down. I worked hard. Yet, it often seemed that I had to carry a heavy weight. Surprisingly, I was good at baseball. This meant a lot of coaches put pressure on me. One memory is of me going through a slump, and the coach just kind of cycling me out of games. 

Sure I’d play, but in right field. I’m going to state something about right field that may offend lovers of right field: it’s really boring. Right field is the least hit to part of the outfield (especially anything before high school). You really are just kicking around grass. I was also near the end of the batting order, so it meant less at bats. I noticed I sit out until later innings too. This was my punishment for not producing (also not being a coaches son).

I lost my love for baseball but I also started lacking confidence. I felt like I deserved to be where I had been placed. This pattern can suck you in. The devil sucks us into this lie, that when we lack in success, we aren’t good enough.

Being Britta: Being the Worst

How often do we find ourselves in this situation? Not just in sports, but school, work, and even church. The world can and will beat you down with lies. It makes us believe we aren’t good enough or somehow we were messed up.

As human beings, we tend to focus on the things about us that aren’t up to par. We listen to what people say about us. We look try to fit labels. If we are honest, we are in constant battle with ourselves about who we are.

It’s incredible that how we look at ourselves can affect our lives. I remember in school, I’d be in the lowest level classes in things like Math or Science. Due to this, I would tell people lies that I chose the class or that it was easy. To be honest, I struggled greatly but I didn’t want people to think I was dumb. I started to believe I wasn’t smart. That mentality made me scared to strive for more. I bought into a lie.

It’s funny because I think we buy into this lie that we aren’t good enough. In a way, it’s true. We aren’t good enough to please God, but that’s why Jesus dying and resurrection are so vital to a Christian’s faith. If not for Jesus, we’d just sin and constantly fail. As I write this part, I have to laugh because it sounds really discouraging. The truth is, it shouldn’t. Think of it like this: Jesus endured the embarrassment, the wrath of God, and death for our sin. Then He rose to complete the work needed for us to be saved. He gives forgiveness and grace freely to those who call upon him. He wants to have a relationship with us.

Being Batman: You Are Awesome

Now let those truths sink in for a moment. Jesus died for our sin. He died for all. God since the garden (even before that) valued you and me so much, that he came to save us from sin. Not only that but He wants to communicate with us. Jesus wants to talk with me. He values me regardless of how much money I make, what I do, and the mistakes I have made. 

As I just take in what I just wrote, I get choked up a bit. It’s not that I wrote it beautifully but the truth behind it. God loves us so much. I cannot even fathom how much love that is but I am in constant thanks of it. I am unworthy of His love, but He gave it freely.

I’m always asked how do you apply this idea to your life. It comes with a lot of wrestling and prayer. It’s a constant battle. The devil wants to convince you of how you aren’t wonderful. When we walk with Jesus, we are beautiful because of His love. It doesn’t matter if you are rich, poor, a Mets fan, unemployed, divorced, etc. Jesus sees you with value. You are good enough because you have His grace! We are valued in Jesus.

We must remember this truth in order to move forward and to grow. It won’t be easy but I imagine that’s why we are able to communicate with God. If anyone is wondering, I still love baseball. I can't wait for the warm weather, so I can finally catch some Mets games!

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book 

before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

- Psalms 139:13-18

The Struggle Is Real

Rough Beginnings

My start into the world wasn't the best. At an early age, I was sick. It wasn't the fun kind of sick, where you get to stay home and play video games. It was the sick that brought pain.  I can't say I remember much but I can recall a few good moments. Most of the story is told from my parents perspectives. In some way, I believe God saved me from remembering. Although, if I am honest, I don't very much like hospitals. 

I still remember the hospital having a unique smell. Even though most hospitals are sterilized to perfection (well I hope at least) you still feel a bit dirty. It's believe it comes from the fear of not knowing what's wrong with you. I remember walking through the halls of the hospital with my parents or playing Nintendo with my brother Ian. Those moments helped me forget how scared we probably all were. I don't think I understood the journey God was taking me on. He definitely made me a fighter.

The God whom allows struggles

I believe in a God. Not a "god" but the one and only God. I believe in God who sent His son to be a sacrifice to cover my sin as well as others. He also promise those who believe eternal life. It's a pretty awesome gig. It's all awesome if you just tell people that part of the deal. After the feel good stuff, you hear things like this in the Bible; "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 ESV). 

If you look the word tribulation is in there. It's a word that I myself seem to forget often. Jesus is saying right here that we will have peace in Him, but we will have trouble. Most people look at that and think, "Oh yes I will be okay when trials come". Yet in reality, this is where we can see what it really means to be a Christian. It's the when everything hits the fan that we can see our true hearts.

I believe that God does things for a purpose. Obviously, being really sick as a child isn't the best way to start off life. Yet because of this event, my parents faith was made stronger. God was showing his ultimate presence in this matter to me, my family, and doctors. Ultimately, I ended up being okay and by God's grace, I've been healthy for 27 years. God allows these hard events in our lives to help define us. It changed my parents. It changed my brother Ian. It changed the doctors. It changed me. I would not be who I am without that part of my life. Although I don't remember much, God still left an impact in my life. I am humbled because in His hands, He allowed me to become a man, get married, and soon to be a father. Through my early trials, through my parents prayers, through the churches prayers, I was healed. 

A Few Weeks Later...

The last few weeks, I have learned to appreciate life. We are to appreciate all parts of life: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Even suffering or pain is something to appreciate. Life is something God gave so freely to us. I mean the fact that I still get to live is a blessing.

It's easy to become selective as a Christian. It's easy to enjoy the benefits of grace. I still do in many moments of life. I believe James says it best "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4 ESV). 

Every struggle in life isn't God's way of pushing you away, its drawing us closer. We mess up. That's the beauty of grace, He forgives. We will struggle. We will lose jobs, watch friends past away, lose the battle to addiction, etc. Yet in these moments, we are growing. In the struggle, we are loved and God provides. I can say this on multiple accounts. Even as I turn my back, God does not. 

We are blessed with life. We are loved. We are defined in Christ. We are free!


Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”



Jeremiah 34:5-7

Fin

Introduction to Finality

I will be the first to admit that I dramatize events in my life. If you look deep down inside, you probably do too. It's natural because we want our lives to be noticed or important. I believe this happens because of TV shows.

I love a good show. I love something that draws you in and makes you feel a part of the characters lives. I love when you have someone else who understands one-liners from a show. I love the music at the throughout or at the end of an episode that gives the emotional impact my heart desires.

One of the best things though about watching a show, is when it gets to the final episode. The one where everything you love about the show is wrapped up in a, hopefully, satisfying way. Finales are kind of the swan song to those who have been loyal. It's as if the writers, directors, producers, just want to say thank you (unless you watch How I Met Your Mother or Lost).

A Sitcom Part of Life

I believe finales are also a big part of life. A finale is kind of saying good-bye to a part of your life and welcoming a new one. This isn't to say you leave it all behind, but you are embracing a new way. For example, with friendships, you might move away but it doesn't change the fact your friends. You are just now embracing a different and new type of relationship. This is a necessary part of life.

We are made to change. We need to sometimes be forced to change. For instance, in my life right now, I'm going from just a husband to now a father. As I write that it freaks me out (probably a good thing). Yet as I'm bringing this season of being just a husband to an end, I'm still a husband. The difference is now I'm also going to be a father. My relationship will change with my wife but it will begin a new chapter of growth for us. With every end, a new story begins.

Adventuring Off Into New Territory

I often wonder how it must have felt to be a Jew during the early church. Nothing says finale or change like your religious background being turned upside down. After Jesus death, the law itself had been abolished and they were left with 11 (eventually 12) grizzly men speaking about Jesus.

I mean when you were Jewish in this time, you had to follow this law very closely. It was everything from dietary to even the amount you work. To hear that a man name Jesus had changed things. Not only did he change the law but now those who follow Jesus can be outsiders (Acts 10 if you want to read more). That's a lot of change and can be overwhelming.

Yet, even in the midst of those changes, those who embraced what God was doing, found joy. God, through the Holy Spirit, soften the hearts of man and helped them embrace that the law of grace was now the law of the land. This was the finale of there past and their new future. This isn't to say they said "Screw it" to all their practices, but they embraced a new way of living. 

This is something we often must go through in order to grow. God will change things up because ultimately He has insight that will bring joy. It will bring peace. It will bring about something new.

Swan Song

Finales are always going to be a part of our lives. We will be saying good-bye to something. Like in TV, we must embrace that their is an end to an Arc in a story. The difference between real life and TV, we get to start a new series of events as the same people. 

Saying good-byes are hard. Moving onto something new is never easy. Embracing change has never been a strong point in my life. Yet, after 27 years of change, I'm learning that it's good. We are given the chance to learn something new, to embrace new challenges, and grow into the person God has us to be. God has obviously opened the door for you, maybe it's time to just jump and know He will catch you.

I think it's okay to be a bit sad. I don't think we should say it's wrong. It's not like I'm telling God, you have burden me with this change. The sadness we feel is the ending of an era. I always feel it after major events in life like moving, graduating, etc. Finales are suppose to make us feel something. It is suppose to make us think about life. Finales are suppose to look back and remember the good God has done and realize the good he has for our futures. I believe that's why different people made call backs to people or events in scripture because they wanted people to remember God is good and will take care of them.

It's okay to look back on a finale in life and remember those events. We just can't get stuck in them and allow it to hold us back. We must embrace whatever is next in life. Why you may ask? It's because we are made to grow. We are meant to understand that God has purpose for us. His purpose is to show His glory and love to others. We are vessels who have the Spirit of God. Due to that, we don't just stay in one place. We move on. We embrace new things in life. 

I guess it's time to move again...

Legacy

6 Seasons and a Movie

I remember in 2012, my wife, Beka and I began watching the show "Arrow". The show drew us in so quickly, we watched the first season within a week. From that we found ourselves drawn into this world expanded into The Flash, Supergirl, Legends Of Tomorrow, and 4 more seasons of Arrow (not all good...Olicity was introduced). 

This year's theme for Arrow stood out to me. The makers said it would be about Oliver Queen's Legacy. After 4 years of being the Green Arrow, what legacy is Oliver Queen leaving on the world.

This is a question I've found myself pondering. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the ending of a chapter in my life and the beginning of a new one. It allows us to reminisce and ask the questions that have subconsciously been lingering. That question is "what legacy am I leaving"?

The Legacy of Man

I think we often think about the impressions we leave on people. Anyone who is a human being probably constantly thinks about what others think of them. This, like many other things, is a double edge sword. We can either make it all about us or choose to make it about something more. For me that's to hopefully show Christ.

I believe legacies are important because what we leave behind can reflect Christ. It makes me think of people in the Bible. For instance, in Hebrews 11, it talks about men and women of faith. The part that stands out to me is when talking about Abraham being told to sacrifice his son (which will get you arrested now... so don't do that) that Abraham embraced the promises of God thinking that God would raise the dead (Hebrews 11:17-19).

Just think about it. Through the Holy Spirit, who is God, the author commends Abraham on his faith. He is going to be remembered as the man who was willing to give his greatest possession to please God. 

Now obviously I don't necessarily want to be remembered for almost sacrificing my child. Yet I wold like to leave a legacy where God leaves a lasting impression on the lives around me. 

All that you leave behind

As a Christian, I believe we are to leave a lasting impression on people. They are to see love that we have been given. We need to really live life. I believe Jon Foreman states it like this " Life is short, I want to live it well".

To live our lives well, it starts with perspective. Donald Miller states in his book Thousand Miles in A Million Years, " When something happens to you, you have two choices in how you will deal with it. You can get bitter or better". 

The start of a good legacy, is not letting trials make us bitter. It's easier to live in defeat. It's easy to look at the task ahead and see the mountain you have to climb. We are constantly looking at the mountains and not looking at our guide. 

Legacies are built on our willingness to trust our guide. Look at our boy Abe. In the midst of losing the one thing he loved more than himself, he was willing to give it up because he understood God makes good on his promises. That's where I want to be. I want to be able to understand that God will provide in order to bring glory to his name. I want to be able to be a testimony to others to endure to see the promises of God fulfilled.

The finish line...

At the end of the Apostle Paul's life, he wrote this letter to Timothy, stating "

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing (2 Tim. 4:6-8)

Paul is essentially stating that his life is done. His work is done. He states that he will receive his prize for the work. Yet he doesn't focus on himself but the fact that all those who long for the Lord's appearance. Paul endured the trails of life, and now is remembered for his work.

As I leave Long Island, I hope that my life reflected Christ. I hope that at the end of the day, I will be remembered as someone who strived to show the love of Christ. I may have struggled, but I pray my endurance paid off.

I not only hope this for my short time on the Island but my life. I hope that all my interactions leave the legacy of hope, love, and mercy. Life is so short. I want to make sure that I leave this world with the legacy that I loved God. I hope I live my life well.

How A forgettable Zac Efron Movie Changed My Life

Zac Efron's Life Changing Movie

I watched this movie called “We Are Your Friends”. It was a movie that starred Zac Efron. To be honest, the movie was quite forgettable. I expected more from a movie involving a DJ trying to make it big.

There was one question asked by the main characters friend asked. He said, “Are we ever going to be better than this”?

Being a Christian, this seems like an irrational question. I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t like the idea of Christians not asking questions. I mean there is clearly a difference between asking God questions and questioning God. Also I believe, God is graceful, and allows us to go through a time of questioning to grow stronger.

Are We Better Than This?

Will Conforto be better or bust???

Are we ever going to be better than this? This was a question that I honestly asked myself for a month. As some know, I lost my job. I was embarrassed, disappointed, and lacking confidence. It doesn’t help when you tell people, and you see in their eyes pity. Then people feel the need to encourage. Not that it’s a bad thing but it’s hard to hear in the hurt. Eventually you do but it took time. As a person, I pride myself on my work. To be let go was like losing my identity. 

Losing your identity is not as cool as the Bourne movies make it seem. To be honest, it wasn’t awesome in those movies either. During this month, I felt inadequate. I was waiting on jobs and not much really showed up. I knew I was having a baby in the summer, and I felt like I let my child down. I was supposed to provide. I felt my world crumbling.

It’s funny how God uses these situations. I looked to so many things to rescue me from my despair. I tried to distract myself with people, TV shows, books, but nothing made it better. It was in the moment I asked my questions to God that things started moving.

Whispers

To be honest, it wasn’t instantaneous but it was quicker than I thought. The more I poured my heart out; God gave understanding. God spoke in a whisper that I choose to ignore. Let’s just say that whisper got a lot louder.

I’m not normally one for clichés but God does provide. It’s like Job. He gives us time to sit in our questions, and then He makes His thoughts known. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you that God will provide, God will speak for Himself. In my weakest moments, it was only His speaking into my life that pulled me out.

I remember, while I was walking and praying, that moment God spoke the truth I needed. It was simple. God said, “Ask for forgiveness. You need to let go of these feelings”. To explain this more, I was in a bad place. Not only was I tanking in my own self worth, but I was also angry with others. I hated the people who, in my mind, let me down. I wanted justice. I wanted to see others suffer.

It wasn’t until God said, “You need to forgive” that I finally saw restoration. You see God doesn’t identify you by your job. He identifies you by your heart. When you say you love Jesus but your heart is not in the right place, that’s where grace needs to open our eyes. I am a product of Christ. His death and resurrection are within me. They are what make me free. At the end of the day, I can be a CEO or cashier, as long as I strive to love and follow Christ, I am already better than I was before.

Epilogue 

Labels do not define us. We are not made the same. We are unique and beautiful. God is working in us and will use our gifts and us. In times of trouble, He just wants us to come to Him. He doesn’t want us to focus on how others view us but how He views us. We are made complete because of Him. We must cling to that idea. I am made alive in Christ. I am valued because of Christ. I am greatly loved!