I Want To Get Better

I'm Angry

We have to be better. When I say we, I speak with the many other Christians in America. I’ve read up on some of the scandals of Hillsong Church and Ravi Zacharias and I’m extremely upset. I’m upset because of the ramifications that happen to Jesus. I’m upset because as Christians, we should be talking about this kind of stuff.

I can honestly say, I understand wanting to hide the battles we may be having with sin, whether it be lust, dishonesty, or many other things. Yet I know there comes a point where we need to admit our issue and deal with it. As Christians, we understand we are flawed, and we can’t just sweep it under the rug. God knows what we do in the dark.

It broke my heart reading about Zacharias telling women that if they spoke out against him, that these women would be responsible for the souls lost due to ruining his reputation. These women had to deal with the guilt and also the shame. This is not right. No woman should ever be treated or feel the weight of someone else's sin.

As Christians, we need to be responsible for our sin. We need to stop bullshitting people with our holiness and admit that we struggle. We need to call people out if they are doing something wrong. We need to be better.

I believe we need to protect people from the harm that can be done by people. When we hear people talk about abuse, we should look into it. We don’t just leave it to deaf ears. When someone is engaging in inappropriate relationships, we need to say something to them regardless of status. We need to do the work of restoration before people are too far gone. We need to stop using God to manipulate to get what we want.

I’m angry because I’ve known for many years that people can do the unthinkable in churches. I know that (including myself), I hide behind my mask of being okay when there are some things in my heart that aren’t right. Sin doesn’t discriminate, it has affected all of us. This means we need to deal with it before it hurts others and even ourselves.

Forgiveness

I still believe that forgiveness can happen to those who might be involved in things like sexual misconduct. They must deal with consequences of those actions but God can restore. Jesus Christ still offers forgiveness through repentance. This hasn’t changed and I want people to know that Jesus is still salvation even if we sin. Yet we need to be able to own up to our sin and be able to turn away from it.

At the end of the day my frustration comes from a place of wanting the church of America to be one of change. I want the church to be one of repentance and freedom. I want it to be a place that recognizes the influence it has and can have in the name of Jesus.

Jesus is good and is patient. We need to understand this and move forward in the way that we are called to be. Jesus is good and forgives but we must also be able to admit our own sin. Thank you Jesus you still are good in the midst of our garbage.

Ding Dong 2020 is almost gone...

Reflection of 2020

As I see 2020 coming to an end, I think the main thing I’m feeling is tired. Covid fatigue is a real thing. It’s really drained a lot of my motivation and drive as of late. With the virus seemingly getting harsher and the vaccine seems too good to be true, I find myself having less hope.

You see, it’s advent time, and we talk a lot about joy, peace, hope, and love. During this time of year, it seems we are to reflect on these ideas. I believe the point was to let us reflect on Christ, we find these qualities. When we know Jesus, we have hope. When we know Jesus, we find peace. When we know Jesus we experience peace. When we know Jesus, we experience and are able to return love.

It’s been hard this year to really understand those ideals. It’s been really hard for me to really experience Christ. It’s been hard to really feel much of anything but tired.

I hate saying it too. I hate feeling negative. I hate feeling disconnected from Jesus and others. Covid in a way has killed me. I know this to be true not of only myself but others.

So what do we do? Truth be told, I really don’t know what can be done. My first thought is the importance of just grinding through it. Yet I know, this isn’t necessarily the healthiest thing to do. My second answer is talk to someone. Then of course my next answer is to write it (which is why I’m doing this post now).

It’s easy to feel burnt out. I think Covid has taught us this idea more so because even in the midst of not doing too much, it still wears us out. I really miss seeing my brothers. This has been a huge struggle for me during this time. I hate the fact that I hadn’t seen my brothers since March. We still stay connected but it sucks.

So here I am. I’m tired. I’m tired of waiting for cure all for Covid. I’m tired of feeling distant from others. I’m tired of my job feeling a lot harder than normal. I’m tired of waking up and not feeling motivated.

Yet I am reminded that I need to sit in hope. Spiritually I do feel a bit dry. Yet, I’m holding onto the fact that Jesus is the hope for my life. Even in the midst of a trying time, I still am seeing good. I’ve seen my son Owen accomplish potty training. I have a little girl who is turned one and she is showing me that she’s going to be smart. I have connected better with my co-workers. God has also provided for many needs during this time and continues to help with financials.

You see, God is still in the midst of trouble. He doesn't leave. He doesn’t take a break. He is with us. Honestly I have to say I believe that to be true. If it wasn’t, I think I’d be lost. I have been keeping my cool, even in the midst of some frustrations. I believe even when I’m not being the most faithful, God is still faithful to me.

I always look to what I would consider the verse that is life changing for me. Lamentation 3:22-24 which states “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (3:22-24 NIV). This verse I’ve carried a lot because in all situations it applies whether good or bad. God is faithful and still compassionate. This continues day after day. I need that because right now, it feels like nothing good is coming.

In the midst of being tired, I find myself still holding onto the idea that there is hope. I need to because if I don’t, well, I’m literally not going to make it out. So that’s it with moving onto 2021. I am holding onto hope which I have in Jesus. He is still in control even when it feels like He’s not. Today, I do feel like God isn’t in control but will fight that idea and just believe. Sometimes faith is a matter of remembering who God is in moments like this year.

I Quit Being a Christian for a minute...

 Quitting 

I think for a while I stopped being a Christian. Now for those who want to break this down theologically, let me explain and then you can have your fun. I never stopped believing in Jesus. I never stopped going to church. I never stopped trying my best to be Christ like. I just gave up some of the baggage that comes with being a Christian. 

You see, I’ve spent the majority of my life, believing in Jesus. I remember when I was 14 giving my heart to Him in I guess was a legitimate conversion experience. I tried my best to do what I thought Jesus wanted me to do. I remember it wasn’t till college, that I really started grasping and understanding the Bible (if you can grasp or understand). I remember Bible college. I remember when I left how different the world is outside of the Christian circles. 

This leads me to the year 2020. I’ve been on a journey of kind of discovering what faith means to me. This actually has started before 2020 but has brought me to a new place. It’s been a good thing for me because most of my life has been plagued with anxiety of doing the right thing. I think part of it is there are so many views of being Christian. There is also a way of being, that I’ve always kind of felt like an outsider too.

For instance, theological beliefs were constantly challenged when I went to Bible college. Things like women being pastors and if someone could lose their salvation seemed set in stone to many people. I’ll be honest, I never saw an issue with a woman as a pastor and at the time I believed you could lose your salvation. I remember people would literally show me in the Bible every passage. It was as if I was treated like I was a false teacher if I didn't yield to the other person.

I learned to keep my mouth shut. The truth is my college years, I avoided a lot of people due to my beliefs and thoughts. I’d pull my punches because I felt afraid that I would be labeled dumb or a heretic. I own that it’s on me for pushing people away but I still felt like it was hard in the crowd I was around.

Also in some ways, Christianity became like a drug. In our culture, it’s always getting to that next step closer to Jesus. That means, deeper prayer, more in-depth study of the Word, etc. I would try these things, but I felt like I couldn’t get to that next level. I always kind of felt stagnant. In trying to get to this next level, I believe I missed God in the moments where he spoke so clearly to me.

So getting back to the original premise of my writing, why did I feel like I gave up being a Christian. Truthfully, I just kind of stop being regimented. I stopped trying to be spiritual. I started taking Jesus' words as true. I just kind of studied what I wanted and not just read the Bible because I had to. 

I started listening to different Christians and seeing their thoughts. I listen to music that was predominately not Christian (but members could be Christians). I took prayer as a thing that I do throughout the day and wouldn’t sit in it for however long I should (apparently an hour prayer is better than 5 mins). 

I also allowed myself to question things in the Bible. I didn’t like that I was supposed to accept things. For instance, why do I need to accept that Adam and Eve were the first and only people on the earth. Why couldn’t they be like Israel, the chosen first people of God. I just wanted to allow myself to really take time and think through beliefs. I didn’t just want to accept things because that’s what a bunch of old men told me too (it’s not to be harsh but it’s kind of true).

I’ll be honest, I really like the local church I’ve been going to. I mean people genuinely seem to be trying to not do church but live it. I think it'll help keep me on track a bit. I believe the church doesn’t need to always be full of programs but simply about connecting and loving our neighbors. This translates into making it a part of your daily life of loving and helping neighbors. I like that and I think this local church gets it. 

Letting go...

So why am I writing about this part of my faith journey. Frankly, I think I’m tired of not being honest with myself. This has more to do with myself finally embracing the fact that it’s okay to be different. It’s okay to connect with God differently. 

There are people out there, who struggle in church because it’s just so hard to fit in. This is due to us being afraid to be real in our faith. We are afraid that we aren’t connecting with God correctly. Yet God has made us different. We may worship differently, we may pray differently, and we may believe differently. The fact of the matter is we are all in Christ and for Christ. 

Jesus isn’t a political party. Jesus isn’t a self help guru. Jesus isn’t a get out of jail free card. Jesus is our Savior and King. He calls us to live according to his example. To love God and to love others. He challenges our beliefs and our understandings to hopefully bring us closer to Him. He knows we will fail. That’s why He died and rose again. He knew we needed someone to save us from our own hearts.

For the longest time, I felt alone because I didn’t feel like I did the whole Christian thing right. I don’t say the right things. I make a lot of mistakes. Yet I know that I am called by Christ. I know I need to do more. I know that I need to love better. I know I need to be continually washed clean.

Yet I know the truth is, Jesus wants a relationship with me. I know there are also others out in the world, who are just tired of playing the game of being a Christian. I know that it doesn’t need to look pretty and it sure doesn’t need to be orderly. It’s good to have order for sure but we don’t need to have all this guilt weighing on us. 

Like I said, I may have had a season where I just kind of stopped being a Christian. I think I came out a better Christian due to it. Hopefully a better person in my walk and understanding of Jesus. If not, well, Jesus will let me know. Until then, I’m embracing that I may just be okay.

Parties with Ewoks

ROTJ V. Empire

I remember always liking the movie “Return of the Jedi”. I would say it’s mostly based on nostalgia to me. I mean, we get the opening rescue of Han Solo, the final battle between Luke and Vader, and the end of the empire. Plus, who doesn’t love those amazing Ewoks. They literally took down an empire!

One of the reasons I love this movie is how it wraps up. This shouldn’t be a spoiler, seeing that this movie is almost 40 years old, but I will mention I’m spoiling the ending. The end of ROTJ (Return of the Jedi) is when the rebels defeat the Empire by blowing up the Death Star (for the second time). Also we see the redemption of Darth Vader, who being Luke’s father, becomes one with the force. Then there is a celebration with the Ewoks which ends with Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Vader (or Anakin) looking on our heroes. Redemption at it's finest.

I love this movie because it ends on a good note. It ends with our heroes winning and defeating the evil empire. It feels good when the hero you've followed wins. It’s probably why I like comic books as a whole. The heroes typically win.

I like stories that end with the happy ever after vibe. I think most people like that feeling too. We like when things go well. Yet, life has proven that sometimes things don’t work out the way it does in movies.

A Dark Knight

Sometimes we witness heroes losing in the end (see Dark Knight). Sometimes things in life are left unresolved. It’s not to say that good things don’t happen but rather we experience life where it doesn’t end with us celebrating with Ewoks (also they aren't real).

Currently, I feel that a lot of people are experiencing this feeling of anxiety. There are a lot of questions that need to still be answered. I mean we are dealing with COVID, race issues, riots, and elections that seem like they are lose-lose. Plus we have to deal with varying opinions of these topics and Lord knows media consumption hasn’t helped.

I’ll be the first person to admit that I feel there is no good ending. I mean the election in November scares the hell out of me because either outcome can lead to more issues. There are days I’d like to curl up into a ball and just sleep. I hate that feeling because I know that I’m not in this world to just give up and hide.

There is the part on a spiritual level, wondering what on earth God is doing. It’s not that I don’t believe he can’t do something at this time but rather, wanting to know the purpose of what’s going on. I want to understand.

I know God’s purposes are above my own but does it have to be so tiring. I want justice to be given to oppressed communities. I want COVID to be cured. I want our country to unite and not be one team against the other. I want things to work out in order for all parties to be heard and learn to work in harmony.

I realize that is a big order to fill. I realize that we are human. I realize that harmony may be impossible. This is what I grieve.

I grieve because I know Jesus can restore. I know Jesus can hear the cries of the afflicted. I know Jesus can heal it. I also know that it might not be the correct time for it. If I’m being truthful, that pisses me off.

Finding footing in the midst of COVID

I’ve experienced some frustration towards Jesus because I want peace. I want peace in my soul and for others as well. Yet, here we are six months later and things don’t seem to be going in a positive direction. It has made me feel Jesus isn’t enough. I feel dirty writing that statement, but it’s something that I’ve felt.

There are days in the last six months I wanted to give up on the christian thing. I wanted to lose some of the anxiety it caused me. Then I find myself looking back to a part of the Bible that reminds me that Jesus is with me. That he is with me through my darkest. Even though moments I don’t see the end.

If you get a chance, read the whole book of Lamentations and especially chapter 3. This is a portion of it but I wanted to share it. Without further to do: Lamentations 3:19-27


Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it

and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[b]

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he bear

the yoke in his youth.


I always go to this passage in hard times because it reminds me of a few things. The first is that it’s okay to feel beat up. You don’t have to hide the feelings of anxiety and frustration. It’s kind of silly for me to hide my feelings towards Jesus, he already knows. I also think it’s good to share these with other Christians. I believe there are many who feel the same. Maybe it’s a matter of starting the conversation.

The second part that I get out of this passage, is that God hasn’t abandoned us. Now during this passage, it’s during a time of exile for the biblical writer. To be clear, because of the sin of the people of Israel, it led them to exile. Yet in this beautifully poetic piece of writing, we are reminded that God is with us. We are reminded his mercies are new everyday. He hasn’t changed his love for us because we are bitter, rather he is trying to remind us that he’s with us. He is Emmanuel (God with us).

Lastly, I think this is important to remember. We sometimes need to wait because that is what is good for us. I always thought this was a weird idea. I mean people have died, people have been hurt, I don’t want to wait. Sometimes, we must wait and in those times God can still restore our souls. This doesn’t mean you're always going to enjoy it because most likely you won’t but it’s a time of growing. In that waiting, sometimes you find ways to help with the problems or learn ways that you can help.

Now I will admit, this ending is quite optimistic. Maybe this is a “Return of The Jedi” kind of writing but I think it’s probably more “Empire Strikes Back”. I mean I’m in a better head space but there is still much unresolved. Also I’m still pissed about issues in our world. I guess today I’m embracing Jesus' mercies and hoping tomorrow it continues. One day I will get to that ROTJ moment whether here or in the next life. Until then, I embrace the fact that I must wrestle with God throughout life. God is good. Also Empire Strikes back is the better movie but I just love me some Return of the Jedi.

Kibbles

 It's not unusual for me to wrestle daily with questions that are most likely unanswerable. I've always been that way. I can think of these deep things and get lost in my head. Lord knows that I get lost in some crazy ideas too. The other day I was thinking how there is a gang war between dogs and monkeys here but that is for another post.

Yesterday we lost our friendly companion Kibbles the kitten (no she did not become bits). This friendly kitten we had found at a bus stop. Of course, my lovely wife asked to keep it. How could I say no? At first we were going to take her home and fed and nurse her back to health but Beka had other plans. These plans looked like keeping Kibbles.

After two days, I had my final moments with Kibbles before going to bed. I said goodnight and she was resting on the floor as I went to bed. The next morning, I went downstairs to use the bathroom (my hiding place) and Kibbles was not moving. I went over to pet the cat but realized she wasn't breathing. After waiting a few minutes, I went to break the news to Beka.

As soon as I let Beka know, there were tears. It's incredible the impact an animal can have on a person, even one that was so briefly in our life. Beka said her goodbyes and I took the kitten out back. I said my goodbyes, thanking the kitten for bringing a bit of extra joy in our lives. Then I tossed her into the jungle (its our backyard). 

Of course the rest of the day was a bit solemn but it brought Beka and I together more so than before. We were able to connect within the moments of sadness and find comfort in one another. The rest of the day, we still felt sad but were able to enjoy new adventures.

So why is this important, a story of a kitten that ended up dying. It shows the complexity of the world we live in.  We feel like we are in control of our world. That if we do things right or well, things just work out. Yet there is a moment, even a small moment with a kitten, that show us how we aren't in control. Life is fragile. Not just in life and death; but the heart as well. We are beings who even though we put up walls and have knowledge of things: can still have our hearts broken in a split second. 

Even though we know that cats are different from humans, it still broke our hearts to see our furry friend pass. Death is something that we weren't created to be use to. As a christian, we understand that because of sin there is death, but it still going to hurt us. Let's be honest, we can believe in our theology, genetics, and our knowledge but regardless, we will experience some sort of sadness. Even a random creature that comes into your life for a couple of days can bring sadness. 

The only peace we can find in our fragile world, is that God understands our pain. God became man and experienced the realities we experience each day. He then in turn decided we were worth saving and died, becoming our way to God. We understand that when we hurt, that Jesus hurts because He understands. We are fragile creatures physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Things can shatter our world in a matter of seconds. Yet it's when we cling to Jesus, the one who understands us, our hearts and minds, that we are truly at peace. 

I don't know much but I do know that there has been a lot of ups and downs this past month. It's hard some days more so than not. Yet I come before Jesus with my heart and He will give it rest. With every loss, is a chance to meet Jesus and find love, peace, and joy. 

Hard to Admit

Time to be honest

Sometimes I think it’s easier to not believe in God than to believe in God. I say this because there is an expectation that comes to your life once you start believing in a deity. I am a Christian and some days I find it frustrating and troubling. I can only speak for Christianity but I think others may have similar thoughts in other religions.

I struggle deeply with my faith because in my mind there begins a battle of belief systems. There is the strongly conservative side, that seemingly makes things much more black and white. That they follow the Bible to the very last letter. Then there is the liberal side that takes it to a place, where it’s love all things and the definition of sin is very different. I think I stand somewhere in the middle of these two points.

This makes you feel a bit like an outcast at times. I grew up with the understanding of my need for Jesus. I learned that Jesus loved me. I learned that Jesus saved me. I learned from my parents it wasn’t about church or doing these huge things but doing what Christ would do for others. That’s how I lived 18 years of my life.

Then I decided I wanted to go to school to get into ministry. I learned about the Bible. I learned about theology. I learned that a lot of my thoughts about things were wrong according to my professors.

My belief on women in ministry, my understanding of who God is, and my understanding of free will, weren’t correct. I learned that works were a part of faith and without them, they would show that my faith wasn’t truly there. This is a very discouraging thing. I questioned if I was really saved most of my college years. If I messed up, I kind of got worried that I wasn’t one of the “chosen” by God.

That messes up someone's mind. It drove a wedge between God and I for sure. I think I was able to recover when I did my internship at a church. I remember talking about a theological issue and I remember the pastor kind of saying, does it really matter as long as you love people well.

I believe that’s why I still hold that church close to my heart. It gave me hope that God still loved me and the people there were a good reminder of it. Of course eventually I would graduate and move onto other things. Over the course of the last 8 years, I’ve battled a lot with faith and who God is.

Now I’ve always tried to be authentic in talking about different ideas. I hold to honesty as important because I want people to be able to talk and not be fearful. When I mentioned earlier that some days it is easier to not believe in God than to believe in Him, I meant it.

I say this because there are a lot of days I wrestle with anxiety of not being a good follower of Christ. I get worried that I will be told by Christ, that he doesn’t know me. If I’m being honest, that’s a really terrible feeling.

Part of this is due to not feeling like I fit into Christian culture. I feel awkward at most churches. Now to put a disclaimer, I’m not saying all churches, but most make me feel awkward. I think part of it is due to people always acting like they got it together. It’s also because whenever I talk to a leader in the church, it’s like they are assessing me to see what value I can bring to the church. That’s probably why people go to big churches, you have a better chance to hide and get your bearings.

Like I said, this is me speaking from my experience and I don’t believe all churches are like this but I do think that there is truth in what I’m saying. I also struggle with people, especially church/ministry leaders. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories. Growing up in church, and knowing many people in churches, it’s scary. Leaders have inappropriate relationships, power struggles, you name it. Yet, as a church we try to sweep it under the rug rather than talk about it.

My main frustration is that leadership needs accountability but also the ability to apologize and accept consequences. I knew a pastor that literally had a relationship with a married woman and he eventually got another job within a Christian field. It’s frustrating.

I also get quite scared when people in a church or christian organization praise their leaders. I remember sitting through a chapel once, where this lady went on and on about their pastor. How amazing and strong in the word. It’s concerning because the pastor really shouldn’t be the focus but rather what Jesus is doing through that person. This person was more fixated on the leader than the person who gave the gifting.

There are many other frustrations I could express about the Christian faith. I mean to list a few, there are taking verses out of context to fit someone's narrative, modern worship songs, and the correlation of Republican and Christian. There are a lot of things I wrestle with in my head and heart.

You see, I get distracted by all the noise. I’ll be the first to admit this to be true. I watch things around me through interactions via social media or in daily life, and I question my own self. The reason I question myself is because I am a part of this problem as well.

For instance, the whole issue with some people saying black lives matter seemed funny to me. A lot of Christians were pushing back on this and fighting the reasoning because all lives matter. The fact is that most people know all lives matter but why black lives matter was being said was due to the issues of oppression they were fielding at this time.

It didn’t mean all people didn’t matter but rather that we are standing with oppressed individuals because as someone who follows Jesus, we should. We should stand with and listen to oppression. Then we should do something because we are light in this world. Maybe that seems simple but to me, it seems right. I don’t understand this situation but I can learn and walk alongside my brothers and sisters.

I may be off base in some of what I’m saying but I’m putting it out there. I’m tired of feeling trouble with these words in my soul. They weigh me down. I love Jesus and I want to continue my love towards Jesus. I want to fix my eyes on what is good and right. I want to let go of bitterness. This is a part of that journey. I want to be honest in where I am.

As a christian, I need to come before Jesus and just lay at his feet. I don’t need to come when I am in a good place, I need to come as I am. We as the church need to be better. We need to step up. We need to not put pressure on people to get it right. We need to walk alongside one another and try to understand. We need to build authentic relationships. Where we don’t have to feel scared as hell because we have some skeletons in our closet.

I’m not calling for zero accountability but rather an understanding that we need to be patient and understanding. We need to stop rushing to get our opinions out and just try to love even when we aren’t fully sure of how to. I am someone who can say that I got a lot of stuff that I can’t carry. I need to lay it before Jesus. I need help and others as well in this process.

I need to be better. I want to be better. I want to reflect Christ and hopefully love people well. I say this all because I just needed to let it out. If I’m wrong, well I guess I’m wrong but I feel a whole lot better.

I need to do better...

 I had a memory come back to me. I work at Water Street Mission in Lancaster City, and I hold groups every week (BC: aka Before Coronavirus). During these groups, I would try to come up with a topic to share with the guys. I think this week we were talking about family. I remember sharing a story with some guys about my family and I can’t remember the phrase but the idea had to do with punishment as a kid.

Now in my head, I understood this as not a severe punishment, but still enough to be annoying. There were two gentlemen in my group that took it the other way. They asked me about it and I explained what I meant. When they heard it, they laughed because how they understood it was “getting their ass beat by dad”.

Now why do I start with such a random story? It shows a flaw in our thinking. We don’t understand everyone's situation and our experience is different.

This is a hard truth to hear because I used to be apathetic in my thinking towards the Black Lives Matter Movement. I probably had the thinking that some have, about all lives matter. Part of that comes from this Christian worldview and part of it comes from my lack of keeping up with the news. What I didn’t understand is that I wasn’t focusing on the plea of a community who is experiencing injustice.

I don’t understand everything the Black community has experienced or experiencing now and the truth is; I’m a white male and will never be able to comprehend it. After speaking to friends, who are Black, it opens my eyes to a world I don’t know. They do fear for their families. They fear for their husbands, wives, and children. They worry about being killed because of the color of their skin.

This breaks my heart because people don’t feel safe. This breaks my heart because families are losing loved ones. This breaks my heart because they are losing these loved ones to those who are called to serve and protect.

I am privileged because I’m white and a male. I more than likely will not have to experience these feelings of fear. This truth about me should remind me that I am privileged but it doesn’t mean I get to sit quietly.

Two things that have really hit me hard this week. First, due to what is currently happening, I need to listen to those who are Black. Listening is going to help us hear the cries of oppression. It will allow us to learn and allows us to be wrong in order to get a better understanding. Most likely we won’t understand but we can at least stand with our brothers and sisters in the black community and say enough is enough.

Secondly, we can step up and push back when we see something is wrong. One of the reasons I became a Christian, was because Jesus stood up for those who were treated poorly. He would let people know the importance of a person's life. I believe if Jesus was in person now, he’d be doing the same for the black community. He’d let people know the truth and work towards restoration. We can also start calling things for what they are as well. What this cop recently did to George Floyd was murder and the cops around him were accomplices. These cops deserve to be charged. This is the truth. 

Like I said, I don’t have answers and I could be wrong even in what I write. I’m willing to admit it because like I’ve mentioned numerous times, I don’t understand. I need to be better and listen. I do stand with my Black brothers and sisters at this time. I want justice for the Black community. 

In the end, I’m sorry because I’ve been apathetic and uneducated. I admit, I played my part in the problem. I want to use my voice to hopefully instill some hope that people can learn and change. I want to teach my kids the importance of knowing when to stand up for others when they see something wrong. Thank you to those who have helped educate and help me see the truth: Black Lives Matter.

If I've said anything wrong, feel free to present those things to me. I do want to be educated and become a person of better understanding. Thank you!